Good morning, Netizens…
No morning news program this morning would be complete without a full discussion of the White Dog dog, Barney and his cameo appearance yesterday when he Barney bit a Reuters reporter . Of course, all the major news media outlets seized on this video of the incident in question, which brings us to the matter of a different dog, you know, the one Obama promised his daughters during his speech?
Given the poor reporter will be on antibiotics for several days, not to mention having a tetanus shot, I thought enough of this story to make some recommendations to the Obama family about the selection of their pet dog and, unlike the traditional news media, I will even go so far as unleash my own predictions about the outcome:
Pit bull named Sarah Good with the kids, and would protect them from all harm. She came with a gift card good for a free tube of Revlon bright-red lipstick. Second week on the job the dog takes down a nosy reporter on the White House Lawn and holds him on the ground by his throat. Eventually the dog was given to John McCain as a gift, who was not terribly amused but laughed nonetheless before sending the dog to Sarah Palin in Wasilla, Alaska.
Great Dane named Frodo Again, this dog was great with the kids and protected them from any harm. It came with a gift card good for a fifty pound bag of Gravy Train, which he promptly ate in one run. Shortly after that, he began incessantly begging in the White House kitchen. Did I mention this dog could be very persuasive when it comes to begging for food? Eventually the huge dog was given back to its former owner, the owner of a slaughterhouse in the Midwest.
Standard Bull Dog named Tootsie Although very loving and great with the daughters, Tootsie’s habit of passing horrific and odoriferous gas at inopportune moments (question: when is an opportune moment? I want to know) and in general slobbering all over White House visiting dignitaries, eventually the poor dog is given as a gift to Dick Cheney, figuring that out in Wyoming he will have the wide open spaces his gastro-intestinal system so desperately needs. Somehow Cheney and Tootsie seem to be a match made in heaven.
By all means feel free to contribute your recommendations to this list. We simply have to help Barack Obama find the right dog for his daughters.