Good morning, Netizens…
I am frankly surprised that the Seattle Post-Intelligencer’s David Horsey took this long to notice what has happened to our 401-K’s, but then he has been distracted as of late what the election campaigns grinding away at his senses.
With 401-K’s dropping like sweat flies on a winter’s day, stocks and bonds heading for the basement each day, Fanny and Freddy in receivership and now GM and Ford want us to support a bail out program, and the government is saying no, what should we do?
Here are some ideas while you are drinking your morning coffee and contemplating your 401K:
Twittering Richard Simmons should be put in charge of reducing the national debt, given his vast capabilities at reducing fat from aging fat bodies. Yes, I can hear it now, his Rockin’ with the Oldies will be regurgitated as Rockin’ with your Debt in 2008. This time, when he arrives on David Letterman’s show to hype his wares, perhaps even Letterman might take him seriously.
I think we should hire Reverend Jimmy Swaggart who was defrocked in 1988 over consorting with a prostitute in Louisiana. Open his church, Family Worship Center in Baton Rouge, Louisiana to the public. Swaggart seemingly is capable of anything, after having been caught with at least two prostitutes that we know of, being kicked out of his church at one point in 1988, being fired as an Assembly of God minister and yet still today is a high-regarded minister. I think we should put him in charge of holding the first nationally-televised prayer and tithing program to accept donations for Ford Motor Company and GM. Lots of music at this event, long and tearful prayers will be offered, and oh, be sure to play the Lotto on your way out of the sanctuary.
Of course these unorthodox methods might not work any better than what our government has in mind. Do you have any better ideas?