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Object lesson: don’t get caught!

Good morning, Netizens...

See? That got your attention, now didn't it? Aren't you glad it is Friday? Properly reviewed and evaluated, in the parlance of my industrial background, it's “Just another day in Paradise” or better known by its acronym, JADIP.

Last night some youthful miscreants went rambling around the South Hill of Spokane trashing things in general and setting several fires. Some wits might observe this could have been a trial by fire, but when saner minds once again resume control of the Universe, they will be viewed as petty criminals or perhaps even felons for setting the various fires. Petty criminals never get to walk in slow motion before the TV cameras; only felons get that kind of specialized treatment by the news media. That is so wrong.

In my day of the great crime spree, Raymond and I stole several fat, sweet watermelons from the neighbor's ample patch behind his sweet corn rows, and we got caught boosting said melons over the fence. No slow-motion television crap for us, uh huh. What we got was tantamount to a one-gun salute, as the farmer opened up with a double-barrel shotgun loaded with rock salt. Thanks to the Gods and Goddesses of Scottish lore, those tiny bits of rock salt missed me entirely, but they put a nice tattoo on poor Ray's behind, of which we talked about for years to come when we weren't at a state of war, that is.

Although I cannot state with any truth we never stole watermelons from that patch again, because like most criminal minds, Ray figured out a better way of stealing his watermelons and, later on, his pumpkins when they became ripe enough to steal. I just never got caught at it again. I learned my lesson the first time. I believe Ray is still serving time in the state prison system for bank robbery.

That's the problem with modern law enforcement: you get prime-time television exposure when you get caught doing something major, while the little crooks scamper away, once they learn how to avoid detection and/or arrest. In modern society there aren't any more farmers who load their shotguns with rock salt instead of bird shot, because they get to do the slow-walk before the TV cameras as they are led away to jail.

It's going to be a scorching hot day today, just about as fine as those pieces of rock salt when they embed themselves in ones butt.

Since our various officers of the Spokane Police have been missing in action from this Blog lately, and since no one else is here to listen to your fumbling confessions, did you ever steal a watermelon on a hot summer's day when nothing could beat eating a fresh, ripe watermelon down along the creek bank beneath the old wooden bridge?

It's Friday, and a little confession is good for the soul, even then.


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Spokesman-Review readers blog about news and issues in Spokane written by Dave Laird.