Good morning, Netizens…
Yesterday, as you probably know, was Groundhog Day. Ostensibly on that day if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow it means we will have another six weeks of winter weather and, since Phil saw his shadow yesterday, our goose should be cooked and that was that. You can imagine my shock when sitting on my favorite bar stool at the Virtual Espresso bar when who should waddle unceremoniously in the front door of the Virtual Ballroom but Punxsutawney Phil, who sat down and ordered a cup of the today’s special blend, Somnolent Predictions.
“Holy crappola,” I muttered to myself. “I saw you on the TV yesterday when you predicted another six weeks of winter, and now I am wondering what you are doing here.”
Furtively looking at me, Phil snapped, “Don’t remind me of that dog and pony show. I am sick to death of the Town of Punxsutawney, and the ham-fisted handlers who annually take me out of my cage and wave me around like I was a prime piece of sausage ready for the frying pan. They squeeze my guts, grab me by the balls and in general disturb my rest.”
“What about your predictions of the next six weeks of winter? Any truth in that?”
Phil nearly choked on his Virtual Espresso and then commented wryly, “If you take the number of my relatives, including Uncle Cedrick who lives right up the road from here, all of our predictions are accurate. The only prediction I made was for Punxsutawney, and that wasn’t really a prediction. More like a guess depending upon where the sun was or was not shining on Groundhog Day.”
“So, with the fog dragging the ground outside this morning, we can count on winter ending really soon now?”
“Of course,” Phil said, taking another sip of his espresso. “However, what I need now is a place, preferably underground, where I can hide from the television cameras. I have to get away for awhile.”
Without thinking really hard about it, I answered, “We have a large family of Garden Gnomes who take care of our Virtual Garden that live out back. You might be able to make a deal with them…”
“Good”, Phil said as he finished his Virtual Espresso. Rising from his bar stool, he headed out the door without further comment.
An hour later, as I was leaving the Virtual Ballroom, I did notice a freshly-dug hole across from the garden, adjacent to a nearby Garden Gnome’s burrow. I cannot help but wonder if next February 2, we might see Phil emerge once again.