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Posts tagged: Hoopfest

Me in Hoopfest? No way!

Good morning, Netizens…


There is no way in hell I would ever attend Hoopfest. In fact, given the parking dilemma of monstrous proportions that takes place when you inject an expected 250,000 people into Downtown Spokane, most of my family are avoiding even passing through downtown Spokane until all the madness ends.


I believe the part that truly makes me reluctant to participate in this annual debacle is not just the parking miasma, nor even the questionable pleasure of watching participants trying to knock their opponents on their derrieres, and there is a lot of that. Perhaps the biggest source of my reluctance to participate in such mass mayhem are the number of felons and other miscreants who are playing in what is termed the world's largest three-on-three basketball competition. Given that I know of at least four convicted felons who are competing this year, not to mention the gang shootings that took place last year, why should I take a chance that this year will be as predictably safe as police spokespersons are saying?


Perhaps the most obvious reason for my total lack of involvement in this tourist magnet public relations affair is I have somewhat proudly reached the age when I stand little to no chance of ever being a muscle-bound athlete, and I don't care what the late Jack LaLanne said about aging gracefully. I do get a respectable amount of exercise jumping to conclusions as it is; why should I engage in a sport where the objective is rapping an opponent in the gonads without a court-side referee seeing me? I'll save that sort of conduct for certain politicians and other riffraff.


So, without regrets, I'll simply have to pass on Hoopfest. Of course, your results and opinions may differ.



I didn’t attend Hoopfest… here’s why

 Good morning, Netizens…

Yet another year in the life of Hoopfest has come and gone, and all the numb sunburned bodies have finally laid their claims to fame and fortune or ill fame and misfortune as the case may be. But for me and mine, we did not attend Hoopfest; in fact, we didn’t even watch the breathless news breaks featuring the winners on the evening news. Why?

First, there is no place for aging fat bodies in the mass mayhem of thousands of basketball players vying for first place. Granted, there are a few elder members of our society who have banded together and thus compete on the courts downtown, but there should be strict disclaimers for televised images. After all, the pictures of septuagenarians hitting the tarmac with an ugly splat should not be broadcast where innocent youngsters can see them unless accompanied by, “Before you laugh, remember someday you, too, could look like this.”

Of course, no Hoopfest would be complete without a whirlwind tour of the vendors on food row. The selection of food and drink is just like Pig Out in the Park but with muscle strains and those fancy T-shirts. In fact, if you look closely, you’ll see that most of the vendors also appear at Pig Out in the Park as well. Once again, aging fatbodies, particularly those with Type-II diabetes should avoid the temptation. My, but what a wonderful selection of temptation we have in Spokane.

A great deal of noise has been made about how Hoopfest makes all this money for the City of Spokane and worthy charities, and thus justifies its existence. It does a lot of good for charities, in fact. However, I would much rather choose the charities I support, rather than have someone else choose them for me. Remember, this is day 70 of the Gulf Oil Spill.

The biggest reason we have studiously avoided Hoopfest all these years, however, is that I develop a severe rash of a most private nature when I am in a vast warbling mass of unwashed people, regardless of their intentions or why they came together. Yes, I admit it. I get a severe rash on the forefront of my brain just thinking about 30,000 plus strangers in close proximity to me and mine. Give me a quiet afternoon sitting out back in the Virtual Garden watching the Garden Gnomes and a few closely-held friends celebrating the ripening strawberry plants and the serenity of the rose bushes.


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