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Posts tagged: pandemic

Coming swine flu regulations…

Good morning, Netizens…


Now that President Obama has declared Swine Flu an emergency priority, here are some things our government might do to prepare us for the coming Apocalypse.


Ban all pig feed lots, mud bogs and other places where pigs do those gross and nasty things that pigs do while smacking their porcine lips and leering speculatively at you through their white eyelashes.


Warn nation’s children to stay away from all swine, either two-legged or four-legged, but especially the latter.


If your ham hocks become infected during dinner, build a tall wall of mashed potatoes to prevent contamination of your peas.


Distribute both real flu shots to all government employees and Fortune 500 employees. Everyone else can stand in lines and wait until more shots are available or die waiting.


Check all pig visas to see if they have been traveling to other countries. They don’t have a visa? Tell them to get a Master Card or else deport them.


Remind citizens that the swine flu emergency gives you the perfect excuse to ignore relative’s requests for a Thanksgiving or Christmas get-togethers.


Create a high-level government cooperative involving all aspects of the federal government in case the crap really hits the fan.


Dave

The reality of Swine Flu Virus…

Good evening, Netizens…


David Horsey’s cartoon pretty much has Swine Flu Virus pegged.


Unless one has actually caught Swine Flu, you never really have respect for it. It’s just like the flu, you feel like a Mac truck just rolled over you on the concrete sidewalk, you have a low-grade fever, you have a cough like a pack-a-day smoker and simply want a place to hide. Of course, some people who caught the Swine Flu died, but fortunately the percentages are low.


But it is infectious, having migrated to nearly every country in the world, and it is spreading fairly rapidly.


So what is a pandemic?


It must meet three criteria:


It must be the emergence of a disease new to a population, and;

The agent infects humans causing serious illness, and ;

The agent must spread easily and quickly among humans.


You might think from the manner in which the word pandemic is bandied around it is much worse than it actually is. At least for now.


Dave

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