Forget the fireworks. The bazaar. The parade. The bikini contest advertised at the Captain’s Wheel. The biggest event at Bayview Daze was a wild cat fight that began in JDs Tavern and ended on the patio. The fighters were middle-aged femmes who gave no quarter. The cause? One of the combatants showed off her tattoo to the other’s boyfriend by lifting her blouse to reveal the design – and a bare chest. Tattoo Woman was smacked with a cue stick for her troubles. And the fight was on. One brawler was pounding the other’s head into the concrete patio when an ex-Marine broke things up, getting bloodied in the process. All of which turned on one of the boyfriends who made out with his fighter while the crowd chanted for a rematch. The gendarmes arrived as the aging boy toys were about to wager $10 on the outcome of a second bout. And you thought sparklers at City Beach on CDA’s Fourth of July were a little wild. Pshaw.

Long Lost – What?
Speaking of Wolfinger, all that national exposure in the Groene case caught the attention of a Seasoned Citizen from Colorado, who called Ben Thursday to say she may be a long lost cousin. And she was. Ben’s grandfather, Benton DeVilla Wolfinger of Polson, Mont., was her great uncle. Ben told Huckleberries he’ll let family genealogists figure out the relationship when the Groene case winds down … By the way, a Bayview Daze reveler sneered upon hearing about the bikini contest at the Captain’s Wheel, stating: “Did they have to import talent?” Harsh … Elsewhere, at Bayview Daze, a middle-aged woman spilling out of a skimpy outfit was so drunk she almost did a header into Lake Pend Oreille. When informed later that her mother’d been arrested for DUI, her teen daughter exclaimed, “good!” and refused to bail her outta the drunk tank. Blood isn’t thicker than water when it reaches .20 alcohol content. And bail money.

Watch Those Hands
Some of you may recall the Huckleberry about disappointed 22-year-old Lauren Ladoceour, who said that night life in CDA boiled down to dancing with fiftysomething men – hey, I resemble that – at the Iron Horse restaurant. Well, there’s more to the story. In a recent posting on her Try This Pose blog, Lauren elaborated: “50-year-old men are actually very good dancers. But I couldn’t help but notice their wedding rings and wandering hands.” And hearts … I wanted to offer a penny for the thoughts behind that disembodied voice pronouncing in the vast crowd after the CDA fireworks show: “Hagadone’s a cheapskate.” The Voice was right if it was talking about newsroom pay at Duane Hagadone’s newspaper. But Hagadone has been loosening the purse strings a bit recently, to sponsor Horatio Alger scholarships and help underwrite the Kroc community center push. Who sez Huckleberries doesn’t give the devil his due?

Huckleberries
Sure, I enjoy seeing Huckleberries Online come up fourth or fifth when you Google the word huckleberries … There’s not much chance of changing bad habits on the Fourth of July in North Idaho when 80.14% answer “no” to this St. Maries Gazette Register question: "Do you obey state and local ordinances when setting of fireworks for the 4th of July?" (You might be an Idaho redneck if … you’ve lost at least one finger to a homemade fireworks explosion) … Poet’s Corner: “Our life sometimes/is dark and scary;/to compensate/God made the cherry” – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Ode to the Bing”) … Kootenai County has issued a building permit for a $11,340 pole barn to Adam West of Spirit Lake. But Huckleberries refuses to offer a gag about a cheap bat cave.

Parting Shot
Earth – to the two goofballs driving a classic, light-blue Ford pickup at 6:45 p.m. Thursday east on Front near CDA’s Fourth Street parking lot: You might think it’s funny to toss your drink at the two Little Old Ladies crossing the street. But a Berry Picker named Dave didn’t. He took down your license number (which begins with K3225--) and called CPD Blue. Here’s hoping a gendarme showed up on your door step to show you the error of your ways.

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