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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Huckleberries Online

Best of Huckleberries Online (May 2-6)

Bob Salsbury's galpal, Kris, snapped this photo of a 79-year-old granny hitching a ride on a chopper in downtown CDA April 30. See "It Happened In Coeur d'Alene" below.

Didja hear the one about the wife whose National Guard husband was stationed in Kirkuk? Seems the Social Security Administration transposed Sgt. Nicholas Metzger’s birthdate and had trouble ID’ing him. Which snagged his tax return. And caused wife Carla to sputter when the gummint (for whom her hubby works) insisted he appear in person to confirm his identity. SSA wouldn’t budge, even when Sgt. Metzger called from Iraq. After U.S. Sen. Larry Craig’s office called, however, the bureaucRATs sent the brave sergeant a form to fill out. Meanwhile, his wife is still waiting for this snafu to untangle. Stay tuned.

Separated At Birth?
I published a photo of BNSF spinmeister Gus Melonas online Wednesday and asked commenters to tell me who he resembled. The early responses were predictable: Kermit The Frog, Satan and “My Uncle Eddie – Eddie the Strangler.” Then, the femme commenters checked in. One said Gus was “easy on the eyes (If he’s not married, he can be the next bachelor).” Another: “Oh how I wish I was mayor of the City of Hauser so I could dine with this hunk in the executive car on the train ride to nowhere.” A third complained: “C’mon now, can’t the SR find just one unflattering photo rather than the one released by the BN PR department? (Heck), even I look great with a makeover!!” You can see our unflattering makeover here.

It Happened In CDA
The Little Old Lady from Pasadena has nothing on the 79-year-old ex-salsa/ballroom dancer who climbed aboard a hog in front of the Iron Horse Saturday, April 30. After admiring the chopper and mentioning her daughter owned one, the almost eightysomething asked for and got a ride. HBO has a photo to prove it (courtesy of eyewitnesses Bob Salsbury/The Unbearable Bobness of Being and galpal Kris) … Overheated Coeur d’Alene High boys lined up at the school office, with rose in hand, after a student announcer tongue twisted while promoting International Baccalaureate, a program for the college bound. What came out was “international bachelorette” … Among her “Top Ten Underestimated Talents of a Teen,” columnist Kimmie Hario lists for the CHS student newspaper: Being able to label someone by something as trivial as how they tie their shoes.” Of such trivia was “Seinfeld” made.

Poet’s Corner
“One hundred years/but still unlearned:/trust a railroad/and you’ll get burned” – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“History Lesson”) … “Depression isn’t happiness turned upside down, it’s happiness sucked into a vacuum cleaner and then the bag explodes spraying dirt and lint balls all over your just cleaned carpet and filling the air with dust making you sneeze and go back to bed – Bob Salsbury/Random Shallow Thoughts.

Huckleberries
And the answer is: “Don’t get caught.” Question? What’s the bottom line of student Natalie Sievert’s editorial about the upcoming Coeur d’Alene High senior kegger. Hmm … Vanity Plate (on a brown Cadillac DeVille): “NOMO925" … In the “Unclear on the Concept” Dept., Huckleberries Online spotted a flyer from Burton Academy of Beauty Culture & Hair Design (at Post Falls) for a “back facial” for $25 and up. Isn’t that an oxymoron? … Trivial Question: Which two Repubs, with surnames beginning in W, have combined to hold the Kootenai County coroner’s office since 1946? Answer: Robert West (current) and William Wood. County Clerk Dan English has a complete list of Kootenai County officials dating back to 1932 here.

Parting Shot
Junior Miss contestants are the crème de l’crème – bright, talented, poised. And do you know how the cream of the crop answered a question posed by mock judges re: the biggest problem between parents and children today? Each junior girl practicing for the May 12-13 Coeur d’Alene Jr. Miss said: Communication. And some complained their parents don’t ask where they’re going or who they’re with. Read: Your teen daughter has buddies. She needs parents.



Huckleberries Online

D.F. Oliveria started Huckleberries Online on Feb. 16, 2004. Oliveria's Sunday print Huckleberries is a past winner of the national Herb Caen Memorial Column contest.