Spokane Valley residents getting ready for winter:

1. Throw some fall lawn fertilizer in front of the meth house next door.
2. Guess the number of teenage hookers on east Sprague for the office pool.
3. Drive to Worley and stock up on tax-free cigarettes.
4. Wash your Spokane Chiefs jersey for the next bloodbath with the Tri-City Americans.
5. Check for your picture in the warrant roundup in the Valley Voice.
6. Make sure you have your SNAP energy assistance forms ready.
7. Winterize your boat moving it from your driveway to the curb.
8. Insulate the trailer with duct tape and Tyvek swiped from construction sites.
9. Mow one last time around the three cars parked on your lawn.
10. Check your valleyswingers.com profile for hits from "pretty ladies in the tri-state area."

Whippersnapper

---

---