I'd like to tell you the story about John Elway and his cigarette boat the way I first heard it – that the ex-Super Bowl MVP was an outlaw on Lake Coeur d'Alene waves. That Elway routinely blasted past Kootenai County sheriff's marine deputies in his water rod at speeds approaching triple digits. That the ex-Denver Bronco QB usually was on the first green at Black Rock by the time the Deputy Dawgs got their boat's nose out of the water to pursue. That the deputies would then meekly drop off a citation for speed and/or noise at Elway's Kidd Island Bay cabin. And that Elway gladly paid it out of pocket change. But those aren't the facts. Indeed, local deputies popped Elway with two tickets in one day early in the boating season, according to Sheriff Rocky Watson. And the ex-footballer has behaved himself since. He even mentioned he might return to Lake Coeur d'Alene next year with a smaller boat that's more appropriate. Rocky tells Huckleberries that locals with monster boats have behaved themselves, too. It's the out-of-towners with the $800,000 jumbo boats and trophy wives who are causing havoc this year with their noise and speed. Rocky sez he gets an earful about these inconsiderate clowns whenever he attends a lakeshore property owners meeting. He's pushing for an ordinance change that would allow his department to seize such a boat for a weekend or more. Obviously, a citation doesn't mean much to Big Boat Owners Behaving Badly. But a few days without their phallic symbol might.
D.F. Oliveria started Huckleberries Online on Feb. 16, 2004. Oliveria's Sunday print Huckleberries is a past winner of the national Herb Caen Memorial Column contest.