Huckleberries Online

TUESDAY, JULY 25, 2006, 8:52 A.M.

Huckleberries: S.S. Bad Manners A Pain @ Pump

Huckleberries has found another species of Big Boat Drivers Behaving Badly. A corporate one. Nah, this one doesn't disturb the peace with excessive engine or stereo noise. But he can be rude, too. Seems boaters Howard and Teresa Martinson were waiting for gas at the Coeur d'Alene Resort dock around 5 p.m. Sunday when the shadow of Gozzer Ranch fell over them. Gozzer Ranch is one of those swanky subdivision/golf course projects proposed for Lake Coeur d'Alene. The developer also has some swell boats, including the "gorgeous new bazillion-dollar Discovery Lane/Gozzer Ranch Stan-Craft cocktail cruiser" that Howard said cut in line. With a coupla crew members polishing the Big Boat, the captain ignored the queue of other vessels and zipped to the dock. Howard bit his tongue until he learned later that Captain Gozzer'd pumped gas into the fresh-water system of the boat – you know, the water used for cooking, drinking and bathing. When Howard asked U.S.S. Gozzer sailors how they planned to fix the faux pas, a crew Gilligan replied: "We'll just go out into the lake and pump it out." Howard thought: "Talk about making a bad situation worse. He might want to check with the sheriff, Coast Guard, DEQ (Department of Environmental Quality) and Panhandle Health District first." Two questions remained on the tip of Howard's tongue: "How do you plan to get rid of the smell and odor of gas in the water system?" And: "What's your boss going to say when he reads about this in Huckleberries?" Stay tuned.

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Huckleberries Online

D.F. Oliveria started Huckleberries Online on Feb. 16, 2004. Oliveria's Sunday print Huckleberries is a past winner of the national Herb Caen Memorial Column contest.