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Huckleberries Online

Best of Huckleberries Online — 6/12-16

Not to be outdone by columnist Doug Clark's litany of "Things To Do If You're Broke In The INorthwest (Or Work In The Hospitality Industry), blogger Bob Salsbury/Unbearable Bobness of Being offered a North Idaho version. "I've heard the Acres O'Trailers tours through trailer parks of Kootenai and Bonner counties are cool," Bob tells Huckleberries, adding: 1. "If you're lucky, you may catch one of the trailerparkians teaching a quick do-it-yourself workshop on jumping electricity from power lines to a homemade box," 2. "Then, it's on to Spirit Lake, where everyone gets to don decontamination suits and join Kootenai County sheriff's deputies on a Clandestine Meth Lab Breakdown and Barbecue," 3. "Some of the Spirit Lake-area parks also have interesting displays of Harley-Davidson engine-and-frame-part yard ornaments. These are always worth a gander!" 4. "For the scholarly, there's always the field-generated experiments in dog breeding and hybridization of the Rottweiler and pit bull types, and 5. "The Foster Family Olympics (don't miss the 400-meter Convenience Store Sprint) usually run sometimes in June." Tour slogan? "North Idaho – It's not just for rich people who live in houses and stuff." And you thought Idaho was culturally deprived.

Lake Wobegon, anyone?
Just because you get on a plane from Spokane to Minnesota doesn't mean you're a Minnesotan. Blogger Kristin Hoppe/Not So Fast knows that, although she admits she made a tactical error on a recent flight by wearing a sweatshirt promoting Appleton, Wis. As a result, she had to disabuse several Minnesota passengers and a Canadian with no appreciation for "personal space" of her "unMinnesotaness." (Seems Kristin and the Canadian had a difference in philosophy about armrests. She believes a jointly shared plane armrest should be treated like the Berlin Wall. But, she wrote in her blog, the Canadian treated it like the "Mexican-American border.") Finally, she thought she'd put the Minnesota issue to rest. En route to Springfield, however, Kristin was approached by a flight attendant who asked if her name was Hoppe. And who then wondered which branch of the Minnesota Hoppes she hailed from. Lutefisk, anyone?

Newsroom reality show
On Wednesday, CBS News focused its Public Eye blog on our pioneering news huddle webcasts weekdays, at 10 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. The CBSers opined that we could take the concept further. Tongue firmly cheeked, Public Eye offered some possible spinoffs if "SR: Spokane Newsroom" takes off: "Newsroom Fear Factor: Watch how our editors decide what goes on the front page, then watch them eat worms! Newsroom Survivor: Our intrepid reporters have been dropped in the middle of this Costa Rican jungle. Will their investigative reporting skills help them now? Newsroom Bachelorette: Tammy the Novice Reporter could have any of the Clark Kent hunks in the newsroom, but she has her eye on Dan the Advertising Rep. Will they breach the wall that traditionally separates news and advertising? Will the publisher find out? Stay tuned!" If the SR tries a "Survivor" spinoff, advises a HuckleBerry Picker, it shouldn't allow anyone to copy Richard Hatch, the first winner who played "Survivor" naked much of the time. Editors are scary enough with their clothes on.

One of the sweetest sentences in the English language goes something like: "Your jury panel has been cancelled for the rest of the week, and you are free from jury duty for the next two years" … For those keeping score at home, and Kootenai County Clerk Dan English was, 92.8 percent of the respondents to an online poll by U.S. Sen. Larry Craig's office said before the May 23 Idaho primaries that they planned to vote. Alas, the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. Only 25.9 percent of the registered voters statewide did – the lowest total since the 25.03 percent vote of 1988 … As a token of her affection, Moscow's Sara Anderson sez she's willing to wear a tattoo of her husband's name. But there's a catch. She'll undergo an inking if he gets a vasectomy, figuring: "You could freeze sperm samples in case you ever wanted kids, after all." Now, there's something you probably haven't seen on a Valentine … Bumpersnicker (spotted by John Livingston/Spokane on Sharp Avenue): "Don't judge a book by its movie" … Noting that his wife, Vicky, had managed his 28 successful political campaigns in 30 tries, Idaho Gov. Jim Risch joked Thursday in Coeur d'Alene that Vicky feels she coulda done better, if "she had had better material to work with."

Parting shot
On the scanner at 11:40 Thursday morning, two CPD Blues were having words. Officer No. 1 said he was going to take his time responding to a call because Officer No. 2 had messed with his car. Officer No. 2: Hunh? Officer No. 1: "If you didn't mess with my car, maybe your dad did." Now, there's a coupla guys who won't be dunking doughnuts together any time soon.

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Huckleberries Online

D.F. Oliveria started Huckleberries Online on Feb. 16, 2004. Oliveria's Sunday print Huckleberries is a past winner of the national Herb Caen Memorial Column contest.