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Huckleberries Online

Mon., Dec. 3, 2007, 3:07 p.m.

Here In Idaho: ‘I’ll Take My 40 Lashes Please’

Here In Idaho lists several violations of religious dogmas that could earn her 40 lashes a la Sudan justice (full post here):

1. I have a pet name for each of my appendages. My left leg is named ‘Muhammed.’ My bad.
2. In 1997 I made a offhand remark about the Heaven’s Gate Cult, I mean religion. Wanna hear it? Q: Why did all the Heaven’s Gate people kill themselves? A: So they could keep up with the Jones’! Hopefully those guys don’t come knocking down my door. Oh wait…they can’t.
3. I’m not a Catholic. Don’t tell the new Pope. He looks hardcore.
4. During my annual holy pilgrimage to the Ganges River, it occurred to me, briefly of course, that bathing in the water with thousands of other dirty people, might not be the fastest way to salvation. It also occurred to me that I’d rather be sitting in air conditioning than the bathing waters of India.
5. One time, during Bacchanalia, I didn’t drink any wine. I drank water instead, but pretended to be drunk. May Zeus strike me down.

Question: Have you done anything worthy of 40 lashes?

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Huckleberries Online

D.F. Oliveria started Huckleberries Online on Feb. 16, 2004. Oliveria's Sunday print Huckleberries is a past winner of the national Herb Caen Memorial Column contest.