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Napkin Notes: 10 Ways To Get Out Of Jury Duty

Item: Jury Duty, Redux/Katrina, Notes On A Napkin

10. Show up wearing a Charles Manson tee shirt and carrying a dog-eared copy of “Helter Skelter”. Every so often, giggle for no reason.
9. As the judge reads the list of charges, count them down on your fingers, loudly saying “check” after each one.
8. Fake narcolepsy.
7. Bring your kids with you. Be sure to feed them a hearty breakfast of Nerds and Twinkies first.
6. Wait until the judge asks you a routine jury polling question, then stand up and shout, “You can’t handle the truth!”
5. Ask to see the breastfeeding facilities.
4. Start booing and hissing whenever the defense attorney gets up to make a statement.
3. When you’re asked to take the juror’s oath, insist on translating it into Klingon.
2. Whisper loudly to the potential juror beside you: “This show was so much better when Jerry Orbach was on it!”
1. Wear this.

Katrina/Notes On A Napkin

Question: When did you last serve on a jury? What kind of case did you hear? Innocent or guilty?


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About this blog

D.F. Oliveria is a columnist and blogger for The Spokesman-Review. Print Huckleberries is a past winner of the Herb Caen Memorial Column contest by the National Association of Newspaper Columnists. The Readership Institute of Northwestern University cited this blog as a good example of online community journalism.

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