Arrow-right Camera

Huckleberries Online

Napkin Notes: 10 Ways To Get Out Of Jury Duty

Item: Jury Duty, Redux/Katrina, Notes On A Napkin

10. Show up wearing a Charles Manson tee shirt and carrying a dog-eared copy of “Helter Skelter”. Every so often, giggle for no reason.
9. As the judge reads the list of charges, count them down on your fingers, loudly saying “check” after each one.
8. Fake narcolepsy.
7. Bring your kids with you. Be sure to feed them a hearty breakfast of Nerds and Twinkies first.
6. Wait until the judge asks you a routine jury polling question, then stand up and shout, “You can’t handle the truth!”
5. Ask to see the breastfeeding facilities.
4. Start booing and hissing whenever the defense attorney gets up to make a statement.
3. When you’re asked to take the juror’s oath, insist on translating it into Klingon.
2. Whisper loudly to the potential juror beside you: “This show was so much better when Jerry Orbach was on it!”
1. Wear this.

Katrina/Notes On A Napkin

Question: When did you last serve on a jury? What kind of case did you hear? Innocent or guilty?

You must be logged in to post comments. Please log in here or click the comment box below for options.

comments powered by Disqus
« Back to Huckleberries Online

Huckleberries Online

D.F. Oliveria started Huckleberries Online on Feb. 16, 2004. Oliveria's Sunday print Huckleberries is a past winner of the national Herb Caen Memorial Column contest.