Miss Pennsylvania, Emily Wills, left, rides in a gondola along with Miss New Mexico, Christina Hall, second from right, and Miss West Virginia, Tiffany Lawrence, right, at the Venetian hotel-casino in Las Vegas Monday. Miss America Pageant will be held at the Aladdin hotel-casino in Las Vegas next Monday. You write the cutline. (AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)
1. (tie) Blonde: “This boat guy is not very nice. All I asked was if we could go to the Sixteen Chapels, ‘cause I wanted to see, like, that Mikey-guy’s ceiling, you know. He just laughed. Then, he laughed again when I said I was hungry and wanted to go to that, like, leaning tower thingy, you know, of pizza. So, just now, I asked him if we could at least go see that holy guy with the, you know, like the long dress and the beanie? I thought he was gonna fall out of the boat on that one…” — John Austin.
Miss America Contestant Vital Stats
Collective IQ: 178
# of Untreated Yeast Infections: 3
# of unreleased porno tapes starring Miss New Mexico and the visiting University of Idaho Vandals Football Practice Squad: 6
Average Breast Size (unenhanced) 36 C
Miss West Virginia’s genetic separation from her first cousin: 99.999% shared chromosomes
2008 Drug/Alcohol Rehab bill: Priceless
3. It’s the poor woman’s JBelle Vacation: Visits to The Venetian, Caesar’s Palace, Bellagio, and Paris Las Vegas. A fraction of the price, and no passport needed! — Family Phil.
HM: Side Note
Originally posted: 10:36:54 a.m.