Huckleberries Online

Sgt. Christie’s Shopping Safety Tips

Posted by DFO

Dec. 17, 2009 1:13 p.m. • 3 comments

Don’t overload yourself with packages. Drive home if possible in between destinations and unload your gifts.
If you must shop in the evening, shop with a friend.
Park in well-lighted areas, as close as possible to store entrances. Be particularly aware of persons in the parking lot, especially near your car.
Lock your car and make sure the windows are closed.
Carry only the charge cards you will need. Don’t carry or flash large sums of cash.
More of Sgt. Christie Wood’s shopping safety tips here.

Question: Do you have anything to add to the list, tongue firmly cheeked or otherwise?

Three comments on this post so far. Add yours!

Fixer on December 17 at 2:51 p.m.
- Make sure to bring your pistol
- Keep your gun hand free when carrying packages
ejs on December 17 at 4:44 p.m.
- don’t forget to take the cupcakes out of the oven.
Escapee on December 17 at 10:35 p.m.
10. Take Boxing Gloves with you when going to a big-box store. You never know when you’ll need ‘em.
9. Earplugs are a necessity in every store whose intercom blares out “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”.
8. Medicate yourself when embarking upon holiday shopping, that way you won’t gag when you hear “The Twelve Days Of Christmas”.
7. Try not to splurge on Holiday Candy, as I did today. Chocolate-covered orange bars await me. MMMmmmmm.
6. When planning to drive to a big-box-store’s parking lot, reinforce your car with a thick wall of hi-density impact plastic since Parking Lots Have No Rules.
5. Carry lots and lots of change with you so you don’t have to endure the guilt which results from passing those red kettles and not putting something in.
4. When watching the never-ending Holiday Blitz of Football Games, be sure to have something soft to sit on. Extreme cases may require a hemorrhoid cushion.
3. Do not give any clothes for Christmas Presents. That’s always a bummer gift. Drawing from experience, I got tons and tons of stuff I’d never wear, although I tried my best to fake a smile whenever I opened up a package and found those ugly wool vest-sweaters. Gag…
2. Always have a snappy comeback ready in case some store clerk wishes you “Happy Holidays”. My favorite? “Which holiday are you talking about?”
1. Have a folded-up barf bag with you in case the big-box store you’re shopping in blares out “Feliz Navidad” over the intercom.

Now, where are those chocolate-orange sticks….?

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About this blog

D.F. Oliveria is a columnist and blogger for The Spokesman-Review. Huckleberries Online was judged the best 2008 Idaho newspaper blog by the Idaho Press Club. And the best 2007 news blog in the Pacific Northwest by the Society for Professional Journalist. Print Huckleberries is a past winner of the Herb Caen Memorial Column contest by the National Association of Newspaper Columnists. The Readership Institute of Northwestern University cited this blog as a good example of online community journalism.