Huckleberries Online

TUBOB: Unkindest Cut

Posted by DFO

Feb. 2, 2009 5:25 p.m. • 11 comments

Bon sang ne saurait mentir! What’s bred in the bone will come out in the flesh, the French like to say. Screw them and their stupid Laguiole knives I like to say. I picked up a brand new one with a spicy, aromatic juniper wood handle and a handy corkscrew for my birthday. Very sharp with a thinly profiled “slicer” edge. Perfect for those picnics in bucolic spring meadows with wine and cheese and a nearby medivac chopper with a full crew. Friday night I was dicking around with it while otherwise engaged on the computer, I was gently and safely sliding my thumb perpendicular to the blade admiring its chisel ground (one side of blade is ground in) sharpness when I decided to close it ON MY THUMB MEAT. They are spring loaded, they close hard and fast. The chisel ground sharpness sliced into my thumb like it was a willing soft piece of cheese and next thing I know my thumb is spurting red Bob juice all over the place and I’m rushing off to cold compress it with a wet towel and later wrap it tightly with 17 (seventeen) band-aids. And, it throbbed all night/TUBOB. More here.

Question (from TUBOB): What is your favorite French saying or proverb? Would you trust this knife again? Why or why not?

11 comments on this post so far. Add yours!

Bent on February 02 at 7:46 p.m.
Nice piece… I enjoyed the verb usage.
Cindy_H on February 02 at 7:55 p.m.
You can read my thoughts on Bob’s blog.
Bob est à la bombe. Ne pas lui donner un couteau.

(And if this means something truly naughty I blame my online translator!)
Charlie on February 02 at 9:16 p.m.
Once a knife has tasted blood, it cannot be trusted for like the old TV show “Candid Camera”, said knife will at a time of it’s own choosing shout “BANZI” and you are a trophy on it’s wall.
thawtfulreader on February 02 at 11:41 p.m.
I don’t know how to get cut by a wine bottle opener, however having slashed a HUGE cut in my hand recently due to a Taliban-influenced kitchen knife necessitating a Sunday trip to the ER, I have a newfound healthy respect for such knives. They’re killers. Could have bled to death…

Note: $50 ER Superglue is medically useless. Get the stitches, like in the old days and as God intended.
wheeldog on February 03 at 8:16 a.m.
Tubob—
Considering you were, in your own words, ‘dicking around’ with the knife, you’re lucky it was only your thumb that was wounded.
hhuseland on February 03 at 7:48 p.m.
Considering the situation, I would have exclaimed, “Sacre Bleau!, then I would have switched to English which then allowed to to expound on the subject more thoroughly.

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D.F. Oliveria is a columnist and blogger for The Spokesman-Review. Huckleberries Online was judged the best 2008 Idaho newspaper blog by the Idaho Press Club. And the best 2007 news blog in the Pacific Northwest by the Society for Professional Journalist. Print Huckleberries is a past winner of the Herb Caen Memorial Column contest by the National Association of Newspaper Columnists. The Readership Institute of Northwestern University cited this blog as a good example of online community journalism.