High Noon: Frito Ray & ‘The Talk’

63 comments on this post so far. Add yours!

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  Cindy_H on March 04 at 12:36 p.m.

  I handled the duties with our oldest son who explained things to his younger brother. SIgh.
  Our 14-year-old third-born approached his father last week and said, “Dad, when are we going to have The Talk?” He was mortified because his 10-year-old cousin had recently had The Talk with his own father.
  My husband said, “We haven’t had The Talk, yet? Are you sure?”
  “I’d remember,” said our son.
  God only knows what kind of education our youngest child will receive. Does Frito Ray make house calls?

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  DFO on March 04 at 12:39 p.m.

  Will you guys think I’m a wuss if I admit that my wife handled “the talk” duties? If so, I won’t admit it.

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  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 1:02 p.m.

  Didnt have ‘the talk’ as such…….. things were and are always discussed as and when they cropped up, and from those moments on nuffin was taboo and everything is always just talked about in general and in the open……. so no need for ‘the talk’…… mine do know though that when ya ‘grow fluff around ya charlie’ then you truely are a man and no longer a child LMFAO…….

  Sex, drugs, girls, babies, sex, homisexuals, drugs and did I mention sex, oh and the price of milk are NOT taboo in this house hence me lads have always just openly asked questions and we have talked and laffed about most things…… condoms….. remember me Twaddle post on condoms a little while back..

  http://marmitetoasty.blogspot.com/2008/07/i-laffed-so-hard-bit-of-wee-came-out.html

  If you get a chance to read the above Twaddle post you will SEE how open I and me lads are LOL

  No taboos, no embarrassments just answers and much laughter :), my lads have come to me with all manner of questions, just openly and in general conversation…… about all sorts of things that would probably turn others hair white LOL….

  When me lads were poor students and I KNEW they had steady girlfriends, I could just buy their condoms along with their deodorants and shaving stuff as part of the course……. I didnt want them taking unnecessary risks for the sake of a few quid….. I mean, i knew they are ‘doing it’ and I knew they was stoney broke…. and I knew that ‘things happen’…. so…. it was either tell them to ‘keep their bits in their boxers’ or to take the necessary precautions :) - as touch wood (maybe thats not appropriate wording LOL) we are still all open about everything here….. even though they are older, well my Jacob is only still 15 and Sam 18…but Ben and Tom are older, but still, nuffins taboo :)….

  http://marmitetoasty.blogspot.com/2008/07/bad-muvver-piles-everywhere.html

  This to (the above link) is a case where me lads can come to me with ANYTHING…… lmfao

  hark at me waffling lol

  x

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  Lynne on March 04 at 1:40 p.m.

  I think Rob was about 13 when my Cosmo magazines started disappearing.

  DH started grilling him
  “Am I going to find them under your mattress?”
  “No”
  “Am I going to find them under your bed?”
  “No”
  “Am I going to find them in your dresser or closet?”
  “No”

  He found them under the bathroom sink! LOL

  They had a long talk over the fire pit in the back yard. Including thumbing through the magazines to see who Rob thought was “hot” and why.

• 

  Sisyphus on March 04 at 2:07 p.m.

  heh heh, Marmite touched wood. I must say I absolutely admire your approach, Marmite, but the mores here in some of the rural regions of the US aren’t conducive to such openness which I don’t think is healthy.

  I handle it much like Marmite did, when it comes up, so to speak. I even got use the church lady phrase of “blood engorged and tingly”. Boy did that stop the flow of the dinner conversation. My spouse the Baptist was horribly embarrassed. Now we laugh about it and can be open about the topic.

  In answer to your question Dave, no. I always think you’re a wuss. ;-)

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  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 2:19 p.m.

  Sis, I rememeber my Jacob coming home from junior school when he was about 10ish and coming though the door saying…..oooooh arrhhhhh mmmmmm and then laffing…….. so I asked him how school was today and he repeated what he just said to which I said…….. and that is?……… he said…. that is the sound a wife oirlfriend makes when you ‘make love’ to her so you know your getting it right…….

  so I says, I take it sex education went well today then lmfao

  OH MY we just creased up laffing lmfao…….. to dam funny….

  X

• 

  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 2:20 p.m.

  oirfriend = or girlfriend……… I must of been getting hot and bothered LOL oh shut it, its been a while lmfao

  x

• 

  Sisyphus on March 04 at 2:29 p.m.

  LMAO. You are hilarious Marmite. Don’t ever change.

• 

  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 2:48 p.m.

  Sis - one is never to old to learn………. the time my Sam came home from school and said he was in the school cricket team but he needed his own ‘box’…… so I says whats the box for…. and he says to ‘keep me balls in’…………. so I goes along to the sports shop and says I need a box for me sons balls cos he is in the cricket team……

  The bloke in the shop started laffing, and I had no idea why……. so the blokes inbetween his laffings says….. what size box do you think he needs…… so I says, well I supose his balls and his stumps will need to be in the same box and I hold my arms out wide and say……. probably about this big…… to which the bloke in the shop gives out a huge belly laff, I thought he was gonna choke…..

  He says……. you DO KNOW what a cricket box is dont you…….. yep I says……. to keep his balls and his stumps in……….. NO the bloke says just his balls and again he starts to laff……..

  You see, i thought my lad needed a box/bag to keep his cricket equipment in…. but apparently a cricket box truely is just to keep ones balls in and when he asked what size he ment the size of me lads dangly bits LMFAO…… ya know small medium or large……. he gets out of store room some cricket boxes to which I say…… dam they look like triangle surgical masks which starts him off again lmfao……

  How was I to know that a cricket box ya shove down ya tightie whities and tuck ya bits in incase the cricket ball hits one in the ‘balls’ LOL

  good job I can laff at stuff right? :)

  x

• 

  BigMike on March 04 at 2:52 p.m.

  I went into public elementary schools and discussed with the fifth grade boys “sexual maturation”. I did that for several years as a volunteer. This was in the 1980’s and 1990’s when sex discussions in the schools was not encouraged. So while the girls got their talk by a nurse. I gave the boys a limiited ” talk.” There were parent permission slips required and the session lasted about 40 minutes. Thinking back on that experience I realize that the short time I was with the boys really didn’t influence their future decisions. But at the end of each class I strongly suggested that they go home and talk to their parents about what they learned in school that day. I still wonder how many actually dared to do that and how the parents handled it. I think classes should be offered to parents who would be interested in how to talk the “talk”.

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  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 3:03 p.m.

  BMike…. at schools here kids at 11 are putting condoms on bananas in school…… its all open and girls and boys in the same class and the boys also learn all about girls ‘time of the month’ lol and the girls all learn about boys ‘wet nights’ lol…..

  Sex education here in our school where me lads have gone and still are at is brilliant…. again nuffin is taboo….. and they dont get embarrassed so non of those silly giggles…… I do know not all schools in England are the same as the school me lads went/go to…. and the sad thing is with all our informative sex education lessons here starting from school year 5 (which makes the kids 9-10 so very basic to start) Britain has the highest teenage pregnancy rate then any other European country……..

  I will say though that that rate does not apply to the above mentioned school……… those are very few and very far between……. so, just maybe, this school has it right…

  x

• 

  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 3:03 p.m.

  Me thinks I need to shut up now LOL

  x

• 

  toadman on March 04 at 3:13 p.m.

  HA! Marmie, you’re such a gem.

  My parents never had “the talk” with me. They were BOTH wuss’. They fully expected someone else to take care of that, I think.. probably our church. But for the Assemblies of God church we went to, sex wasn’t even talked about. Babies came from some sort of magical kingdom or something.

  Living in ignorance suited them, I think.

  It’s a wonder I didn’t screw up more than I did, in my early years. I remember my fifth grade classmates telling me about sex, and I was dubious. I couldn’t imagine people actually DID that, OR that BABIES came from doing something so GROSS! I still suspected kissing was the baby making culprit until around sixth grade.

  After I found out the truth…my brain short circuited and I went wild.

  The moral of that story? Be more like Marmie, and you’re children will be at peace and have more information with which to hopefully make better choices in their teen years. That’s the one big complaint I have about my parents, and I want to make sure NOT to make the same mistake with my boys. They’re still a little young for it now.. but we’re getting close on the 9 year old. He already knows more about that sort of thing than I did at his age.

• 

  Sisyphus on March 04 at 3:13 p.m.

  Don’t shut up Marmite. I literally had tears coming out of my eyes on the cricket boxes. We call those athletic cups. Yes, that’s right. We keep our balls in cups, and right big ones at that, only for show though. Have fun with that. ;-)

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  Cabbage Boy on March 04 at 3:27 p.m.

  I probably won’t go all “marmie” on my kids but I hope to do better than my parents. Alot like Toad in that respect. It was a Taboo subject of all taboo subjects.

  Luckily I lived on a ranch and got nature’s version of the birds and bees. Cows, bulls, dogs and all that. They have a way of being a bit more open and honest.

• 

  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 3:28 p.m.

  Toadie…….. I knew nuffin about things.. I remember when I was 11 and walking to school with me matie and telling her that my sister who was 11 years old then me and married was going to have a baby….

  Me matie says…… oh, so that means she ‘did it’……. I remember as if yesterday saying… did what……. and her telling me exactly what IT was….. I remember saying that there is NO WAY my sister would of done that….. and my friend insisting that is the only way babies are made………… disgusting I said…… and I remember saying…….. hands on hips…..’well my sister must of been asleep when HE was doing that then cos she would NOT like that…………. hahahahahahaha jebus how I remember that conversation……

  I also remember when I was about 11-12 waking up thinking I was bleeding to death LOL……. my mother shoved some tissue at me and said she would get something when she was out………. not explaining anything to me about how I was bleeding to death and what was the SOMETHING she was getting……… so, me being a Tom boy went out for the day after shoving the tissue down me knickers to try and stop me bleeding to death….. I spent the day down the dumps climbing trees with friends and swinging on rope swings across the river……I remember Mrs Marsh saying to me, when we went to Kennys house to get a drink……. oh my, you should get your self home and get cleaned up……… I remember as clear as day saying……. its ok, Im just slowly bleeding to death but me mum will get me something when she is out today……….. lol……. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE STATE I WAS IN WHEN I WENT HOME 5 hours later LMFAO………….I was then shoved a packet of what my mother referred to as ‘lady things’ which to me as a tomboy looked like a catapult cos of the elastic belt and pads LOL……. and I was left to get on with it LMFAO………. I worked out eventually that you DIDNT wear them for a day outside of ones knickers lmfao HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  When I think back now it was to dam funny……….. but, cos of all that, I was determined that me lads would NOT be embarrassed or uneducated or shy about anything to do with their bodies or life happenings :)….

  to much info right? lol sorry

  x

• 

  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 3:32 p.m.

  Sis - are your athletic cups measures the same as ‘ladies cups’ you know……. D cup, Double D cup, FFF huge bloody cups LOL

  x

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  DFO on March 04 at 3:34 p.m.

  Marmie; I have to agree with Sisyphus. That 2:48 p.m. comment re: “box” and “balls” had me laughing so loudly in my CDA office that co-workers wondered what happened. This thread is gold. Thanx for staying up so late over in England to entertain us.

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  Cabbage Boy on March 04 at 3:45 p.m.

  Uhh, no marmie. Don’t know how big they grow them over there, but a simple small, medium and large suffice over here. And as Sis said, the large ones just have lots of breathing room.

• 

  hmoffsuite on March 04 at 3:48 p.m.

  Great entertainment, folks. Thanks for the thread.

• 

  Dennis on March 04 at 3:49 p.m.

  OMG!!!!! Marmie,,,,,,ROTFLMAO!!!

  You just brought up some repressed memories and I’m gonna end up on the couch tonight!!!!

  My wife immigrated over here and didn’t have a clue about athletic wear. When my son started Baseball, he came home and announced to his mom he needed “A Cup”. The rest of the conversation was mirror image to your experience!!!!!

  Gonna have to remind her of that tonight I guess!!!

  ;-))

• 

  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 3:50 p.m.

  oh hmoffsuite - it taint entertainment tis real life matie :)

  x

• 

  Sisyphus on March 04 at 3:50 p.m.

  No Marmite, they’re measured inversely by the cars we drive. If the guy owns a mini cooper they don’t make a cup big enough. If he’s driving a Hummer there’s nothing worth protecting.

• 

  Cabbage Boy on March 04 at 3:55 p.m.

  Mostly true Sis, but if the guy is driving a Mini, he can just trust his wife to keep the jewels safe.

• 

  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 3:55 p.m.

  Sis - I pity those that just ride a bike then LMFAO

  x

• 

  Cindy_H on March 04 at 4:00 p.m.

  “at schools here kids at 11 are putting condoms on bananas”

  Omigosh! You can never be too careful. What happens if you eat an uprotected banana?

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  marmitetoasty on March 04 at 4:06 p.m.

  :) Cindy……….. narnas come in all shapes and sizes :) and the protection helps keep the monkey population down….. not so many narna trees so not so many monkeys :)…….. its an all win situation…

  x

• 

  JeanieSpokane on March 04 at 4:10 p.m.

  My sons are 35 and 36 - uh, is it too late?

• 

  keithincda on March 04 at 4:21 p.m.

  I have never, I mean never read such an absolutely hilarious thread. Thank you Marmite!

• 

  cantyoureadthesigns on March 04 at 7:57 p.m.

  /crying with laughter

• 

  Stickman on March 04 at 9:11 p.m.

  I have met Frito Ray, and I know he presented himself well, and the kids must have been impressed.

• 

  Stickman on March 05 at 8:29 a.m.

  Thanks Marmie for the smile, you are one that I could always read and enjoy.

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