Huckleberries Online

Kellogg Bloggin’: Far-Flung Families

Posted by DFO

May 5, 2009 5:32 p.m. • 17 comments

Going far meant separation from my family and as I have moved into my fifties, I’ve become more and more acutely aware of the number of people I know who have sketchy relationships with their siblings. I know people who don’t speak to siblings. I know others who rarely see their brothers and sisters. I’m aware of jealousies, old grudges, money battles. I’m aware of others who have been benignly neglectful of their siblings. They don’t dislike them. They’ve just drifted and never thought to do much about it/Raymond Pert, Kellogg Bloggin’. More here.

DFO: Welcome back, Raymond. I’ll get your link back up on the blog roll Wednesday.

Question: Do you keep close ties with your siblings?

17 comments on this post so far. Add yours!

Escapee on May 05 at 6:13 p.m.
I personally think family members are harsher with, and more judgmental of siblings than any stranger. Family members have a way of twisting the thumbscrews of mental torture; I personally have been better-accepted by total strangers than members of my own family. It’s as if family members, in order to compensate for their having to be nice to strangers, take all of that pent-up hostility and blindside their siblings and other relatives.
inlandempiregirl on May 05 at 6:34 p.m.
Since my sibling wrote this post I can say yes we do as best we can through our blogs, facebook, visits like the Sibling outing he mentioned, and family gatherings. I think we look back now and laugh at any grudges that may have occured in our younger years.
JBelle on May 05 at 6:37 p.m.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/06/world/europe/06briefs-Turkey.html?ref=world

This sounds like a Turkish version of my Marble Creek family. My life insurance underwriter has made me promise I will completely avoid family weddings and funerals. Looks like it’s sound advice.
Truly on May 05 at 7:06 p.m.
“personally think family members are harsher with, and more judgmental of siblings than any stranger. Family members have a way of twisting the thumbscrews of mental torture; I personally have been better-accepted by total strangers than members of my own family. It’s as if family members, in order to compensate for their having to be nice to strangers, take all of that pent-up hostility and blindside their siblings and other relatives”

I couldn’t have said it better my friend. But to this very day I still torture myself with why? Why do they do this? Why can’t they just love me for me and if there are issues then look inside yourself.

One could be a workahoic - another maybe an over acheiver -, etc etc but they can’t see only what they don’t want to see - their own stuff.

Can’t dwell but just sit back and watch as the tides roll in and say to self - hey self “you are doing just fine”.
hmoffsuite on May 05 at 7:26 p.m.
I haven’t talked to my sister or seen her for over 30 years. Really a shame. Her husband was the problem. Wish it hadn’t been like that but it was.
Dogwalkmusings on May 05 at 7:32 p.m.
Seems I’m the odd one out here. I talk with my brother the old fashioned way - by phone - often.
Jen on May 05 at 7:52 p.m.
My sister is my best friend. We talk on the phone several times a week and have dinner together with our families every Tuesday at my mom and dad’s house. We’ve always been close, but now that we’re older, we have more in common and easily share our lives with each other.
brentandrews on May 06 at 9:10 a.m.
I work for my brother. I see my youngest older sister at least once a week, when I go by to pick up my wife’s pay check. She works for my sister.

My oldest sister moved far away as a teenager and was disowned, is not mentioned in any wills, and has even been left out of newspaper stories about the family. Beth was not one to tow the party line, no sir. So she was mustered out. To be fair, she brought a lot of chaos to the family and cutting her out might have been absolutely necessary. But it’s still wierd. One has to wonder, Could I be next?

So, we have both extremes, I guess.
toadman on May 06 at 9:17 a.m.
“Do you keep close ties with your siblings?”

I have one older brother, and two older sisters. They are, all three, nine years older than me, and more (brother mid 40s, sisters late 40s, and early 50s). I haven’t spoken to them or seen them in over three years, and the last time any one of them called, it was my brother, back during our big snowfall. He was reminded that I lived up here when Spokane made the national news due to the amount of snow we were getting at the time..and he felt prompted to call, I suppose.

My wife and I live here, in Spokane, over 2000 miles from friends and family, and it’s often more than a little lonely, and inconvenient to NOT have any family or friends with which you can let your children stay with…which is why my wife and I haven’t been out together, alone, for over six years or more.

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D.F. Oliveria is a columnist and blogger for The Spokesman-Review. Huckleberries Online was judged the best 2008 Idaho newspaper blog by the Idaho Press Club. And the best 2007 news blog in the Pacific Northwest by the Society for Professional Journalist. Print Huckleberries is a past winner of the Herb Caen Memorial Column contest by the National Association of Newspaper Columnists. The Readership Institute of Northwestern University cited this blog as a good example of online community journalism.