Cis: When Parents Become Child-Like

11 comments on this post so far. Add yours!

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  inlandempiregirl on May 13 at 6:04 p.m.

  I just saw a picture of my mom serving a volleyball in a backyard volleyball game at my sister’s house for Mother’s Day. I had never before seen her play volleyball. As she nears eighty I guess she is getting more energetic!!

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  Collingwood on May 13 at 6:09 p.m.

  I know this story all too well, having a 40-year-old mom and a 43-year-old dad.

  I’m 25 now. I was 10, fourth grade, when my mother was my current age. Pretty trippy to think about, since I couldn’t imagine having a child.

  To their credit, though, they’ve been great parents and are still happily married.

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  Stickman on May 13 at 7:30 p.m.

  Both of my parents died young, so I have no experience in this matter. But, I also know what others are going through. We are living much longer these days, and have to pay that price.

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  thomg57 on May 13 at 7:48 p.m.

  Question: What has been your experience with aging parents?

  My dad died at 64, exactly 1 week before his 65th birthday, so he wasn’t old, although I did watch him struggle through cancer, circulatory disease, heart disease and kidney failure. But he had my mom and the two of them took care of themselves with little assistance need from their kids. But my mother is now 82 years old and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease 7 years ago. She lives back on the east coast, so aside from two trips she has taken out here and the few trips I’ve made back east over the past 8 years, most of my experience with my mother has been over the telephone, or related to my second hand by my sister. She has good days and not so good days, days she knows who I am and days she can’t remember that I’m married and have children. The good days are more like good moments, now, and the bad days run into each other. Two weeks ago we put her in an assisted living facility near my sister’s house. The transition has not been easy on mom, but I think it has been harder on my sister. I’m glad that she got to see my family when we went back east for the inauguration, but also sad because I know it is probably the last time I’ll see her alive.

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  Bent on May 13 at 8:00 p.m.

  Good to see you back Thom. Too bad its on such a sad thread. It’s hard to deal with aging parents. We helped my mother-in-law pass on last August, and we are spending much more time with my father-in-law, now. We started a family garden with him at his place. That has brought our family in much closer. It has to be hard to deal with aging parents at a long distance. I feel for you man…

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  JBelle on May 13 at 8:10 p.m.

  Thom, I think of you and your mother all the time. The other day I was driving down NW Blvd toward the lake and you and she popped into my head. I wondered how she was getting along. It’s an extraordinary time, now and in retrospect, best lived when you can approach it the way you did waiting for your children to be born. Pretty hard to do, though. If it’s any comfort, when she goes and you’ve had to time to process it all, her long goodbye will give you new and exquisite perspective on living. and life. Both my parents died in my arms and I consider that the one and extraordinary blessing, but one I never asked for.

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  thomg57 on May 13 at 8:31 p.m.

  Both my parents died in my arms and I consider that the one and extraordinary blessing, but one I never asked for.

  JB, I know what you mean. I was with my 17 year old sister when she died and I was with my father when he died. Mom, probably, will be the first member of my family to die that I won’t be with when the pass away.

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  Cindy_H on May 13 at 8:49 p.m.

  Thom. I’ve missed you.
  My dad died at 69. It was sudden and it felt much too soon.
  He’d taken care of my mom all their lives. I was the only sibling in town. I had three children under 6, the youngest of whom was 6- months-old. My mom couldn’t drive, had never balanced a checkbook or paid a bill. I was overwhelmed.
  After two years, I told my Mom I couldn’t take care of her and my husband and children too. She didn’t take it well.
  Things grew very strained. I learned I could survive without my mother’s approval, but boy was it painful.
  Things are better, now. My mom is 78 and in good health, but I’m still the only kid in town. I get her to the doctor, and check in every day or so. She makes cookies for my multitude most every week, but still sometimes I feel her need for attention is overwhelming.
  Thom, it must be terrible to be so far away, but please offer your sister as much emotional support as you can.
  Trust me. She needs it.

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  danofthecommunity on May 13 at 10:07 p.m.

  Well my mom didn’t take to assisted living places or nursing homes too well either. If she weren’t my own mother I’d almost have to admit she “may have” sabotaged a few of those arrangements…

  …like the time I got a call from my sister that mom had been taken from her latest place to the hospital and the police were there. Apparently she had been so determined to leave that place that she had caused wee bit of a commotion…something to do with the gas fireplace and a lighter…she got her wish to leave and then some with an “official” escort…fortunately nothing ever came of that little episode and she is content in her current place where she’s been for a few years now.

  I told some of my friends and co-workers that it’s bad enough to have worry about getting called from the police about something your kids have done but you really shouldn’t have to worry about getting one about your mom. That’s why they call us the sandwich generation.

  On the other hand that’s probably where I get some of my own persistence. Without question that is where my true blue democrat bloodline comes from.

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  florined on May 13 at 10:22 p.m.

  Dan, I’m pretty sure I’d like your mom!

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  Escapee on May 13 at 11:18 p.m.

  My mom couldn’t eat solid food for the last year of her life, due to a blockage caused by Esophageal cancer. I saw her several times during that Last Year, and none of us wanted to face what we all knew was going to happen to her. I saw her for the last time 2 days before she died…that was when I accepted that she was almost ready to go to Heaven. According to my sister, Dad got almost desperate, and, well, he’s gone, too.

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