Huckleberries Online

Joker’s Candidate Paintball Scoring

Nov. 3, 2009 3:54 p.m. • 23 comments

I just had a brainstorm. Let’s create a game where everyone uses paintball guns and the person who tags the most political activists wins. Here is my scoring system:

A candidate — 500 points.
A spouse of the candidate 75 points.
Children of a candidate 25 points.
Unidentified sign waver 100 points
Mary Souza 1,000 points.
Kage Mann 500 points
Bill McCory 500 points
Larry Spencer 1,000 points
Thom George 1,000 points
MamaJD 500 points
Nic 500 points.

Special bonuses: an extra 200 points if you get Kennedy coming out of a donut shop.
an extra 1,000 points if you tag all seven Kennedy kids.
An extra 500 points if you get Vinny Zito or tag one of Brannon’s supporters (there are so few).
An extra an extra 1,000 points if you get Larry Spencer’s car in the impound yard.
An extra 1,000 points if you tag a Habitat for Humanity board member, err conspirator.
If you can hit DFO at his desk blogging 5,000 points.

Question: Did Joker get the scoring system down right?

23 comments on this post so far. Add yours!

Cindy_H on November 03 at 4:02 p.m.
I take issue with ThomG, being worth more points than MamaJD. She’s way smaller and more difficult to hit.
nic on November 03 at 4:06 p.m.
Thom may be taller, but he is absurdly skinny. He could hide from many painball shots by turning sideways.
DFO on November 03 at 4:07 p.m.
Mary & Spencer are undervalued and DFO is way overvalued.
factchecker on November 03 at 4:09 p.m.
Gawd, is it any wonder no one wants to run for public office?
LarrySpencer on November 03 at 4:10 p.m.
“Mary & Spencer are undervalued and DFO is way overvalued.”

HEY!!!
bpoole on November 03 at 4:11 p.m.
Sounds good, when do we start! ;^)
LarrySpencer on November 03 at 4:11 p.m.
“Thom may be taller, but he is absurdly skinny. He could hide from many painball shots by turning sideways.”

But those EARS!

:-)
Sisyphus on November 03 at 4:14 p.m.
How about an extra 10,000 points for any successful candidate who avoids getting sued by Larry.
Bent on November 03 at 4:14 p.m.
Larry is right I bet you could spin Thom around like a carnival target by hitting him in the ears…
nic on November 03 at 4:14 p.m.
Larry’s score is fairly accurate without the mullet. But a mulleted Larry has to be worth more than a grand.

And MMQC should be 1000… per shot.
LarrySpencer on November 03 at 4:14 p.m.
Automatic win if you tag Spencer at any of his addresses and get a pic to prove where he lives.
Bent on November 03 at 4:14 p.m.
ooops, forgot the:

;-)
LarrySpencer on November 03 at 4:17 p.m.
What am I thinking… Now I have to sleep in my truck till this blows over…
DFO on November 03 at 4:17 p.m.
@ Spencer re: “Automatic win if you tag Spencer at any of his addresses and get a pic to prove where he lives.”

So, if we were playing Quiddich you’d be the snitch?
tarynahecker on November 03 at 4:20 p.m.
Maybe a Spencer hit would be worth 1,000 points if he had his mullet still.
LarrySpencer on November 03 at 4:23 p.m.
“Maybe a Spencer hit would be worth 1,000 points if he had his mullet still.”

if? still? or again?

You have no frekin clue how fast my hair grows back out, do you Taryn? Maybe if I get a buzz cut this time….
DFO on November 03 at 4:24 p.m.
Mebbe it was just me, but Spencer had a double mullet working when I ran into him at the chamber of commerce debate at the Coeur d’Alene library — one in front (instead of bangs) and one in back. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that before.
spokelooneh on November 03 at 4:34 p.m.
Anymouse 25,000.
MamaJD on November 03 at 5:14 p.m.
It seems unfair when a candidate is as potent & virile as Mr. Kennedy to award points of equal weight on 7 kids. I think Kennedy kids should decreased by half. Or the bounty maxxed out at 4.
MamaJD on November 03 at 5:17 p.m.
I mean, decreased by half in points. Not actually decreasing the number. That would go against my conservative family values. ;)
Phaedrus on November 03 at 5:23 p.m.
Now I have to sleep in my truck till this blows over…

funny, i heard that is where you sleep now.
LarrySpencer on November 03 at 5:26 p.m.
10 points for taging the Mayor’s car parked all day in the 15 minute zone in front of her shop.

Low point count due to the high probability that everybody can get that one on their first trip down Sherman.

;-)
LarrySpencer on November 03 at 6:37 p.m.
Fifty points for taging the city council having a secret pre-council meeting to decide how they are going to vote later.

« Back to Huckleberries Online

You must be logged in to post comments.
Please create a profile or log in here.

About this blog

D.F. Oliveria is a columnist and blogger for The Spokesman-Review. Huckleberries Online was judged the best 2008 Idaho newspaper blog by the Idaho Press Club. And the best 2007 news blog in the Pacific Northwest by the Society for Professional Journalist. Print Huckleberries is a past winner of the Herb Caen Memorial Column contest by the National Association of Newspaper Columnists. The Readership Institute of Northwestern University cited this blog as a good example of online community journalism.