Mom: Son Faces Cheer Team Bias

25 comments on this post so far. Add yours!

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  Cabbage Boy on February 01 at 1:48 p.m.

  All righty. Another think for some stinken bored parent to sue about.

  If they don’t have an actual cheer squad with boys and girls, the guy should just get his jollies through magazines like the rest of the boys his age.

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  moscow_minidoka on February 01 at 2:01 p.m.

  CB - He’s gay. And he’s gay in the small farming towns of Garfield/Palouse. And a gay cheerleader.

  I can think of better survival strategies as a gay teenager in rural eastern Washington than to try out for the cheerleading team, but more power to him.

  I wish his mother would set a better example… the kid’s not going to win any friends this way, and the more intolerant members of the community won’t change overnight.

  Ben needs to just do his thing, and people will either like him or not.

  Anybody have better thoughts/advice?

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  Cabbage Boy on February 01 at 2:38 p.m.

  MM, I kinda wondered, but not enough to read into it any further.

  I think your point about the mother setting a better example should be filed under, parents shouldn’t use their kids for activism.

  Makes me sick on both sides of the equations when the parent has to protest/sue/make a stink about a situation because they feel injustice.

  Makes me wonder how much threatening they had to do to get him on the cheerleading squad? Now they aren’t happy again.

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  Fixer on February 01 at 2:54 p.m.

  By my reckoning, he’s only got another few months of school until graduation. His mother would do well to put this situation in context (it’s temporary), and help him to make decisions about his future that will lead him to something more fulfilling.

  As an aside, It’s odd that males on college cheerleading squads are quite acceptable, but never high school.

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  Sisyphus on February 01 at 2:55 p.m.

  It appears to me that he made these choices, and mom is supporting him in these choices, like any good mother would. The hostility of the school or the community isn’t a problem to be addressed to him, is it? My understanding is that most major cheering squads routinely have men. They are well organized and have national competitions. I don’t see where sexual orientation or race have diddly to do with the issue. It strikes me that its a lack of creative input on the part of the instructor in failing to work him into the routine.

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  Sisyphus on February 01 at 2:57 p.m.

  I believe that many high schools have men on the cheering squad, depending on where and how competitive they are. I also recall our last president was a cheerleader.

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  Cabbage Boy on February 01 at 3:14 p.m.

  While I think most cheerleading squads are lame, with the exception of those doing it for a competition, having just one guy on it probably wouldn’t work to well.

  He also has Asperberger’s? And doesn’t really look to be a cheerleader type? Perhaps they included him on the squad as a way of accepting him and treating him kindly. Now someone (the mother?) isn’t happy that others were treating him well and wants to make an issue.

  Wonder if he can actually do those “dance routines”?

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  fortboise on February 01 at 5:35 p.m.

  Interesting. Awkward. Are there tryouts for the cheerleading squad? Is there any way the school could say “mm, sorry, you’re not what we’re looking for” without being accused of discrimination?

  The squad has been (I assume) just girls, does every school have to let boys try out, too? What about girls who want to play football? (Our daughter did, and they wouldn’t let her. She took the same PE classes the boys who played football did, and no big deal was made of it… one of the teachers suggested she wasn’t cut out for math as a result, an idiotic slight that still rankles, lo these many years later. And that math teacher… is in the Idaho Legislature.)

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  Don_Sausser on February 01 at 6:51 p.m.

  I am familiar with the award winning cheer section at North Idaho College. This year they have two males that do a fine job.

  I never thought that I had to know their sexual preferences.

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  HonestGeorge on February 01 at 7:30 p.m.

  The mother is lacking in parental kindess. She has allowed her son to enter a position that will only bring him unhappiness. I agree with Cabbage Boy - parents shouldn’t use their kids for their own activism.

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  hhuseland on February 01 at 8:52 p.m.

  I didn’t give a thought about the gay issue. Undoubtedly there are many gay cheerleaders, so this isn’t a news flash. What hasn’t been mentioned, is whether he was judged as awkward, and unable to perform the acrobatics needed.This is simply an incomplete story from which any and all conclusions will be reached with incomplete information. One comment suggests he is gay. Why is that even relevant? Or even correct.

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  Phaedrus on February 01 at 9:11 p.m.

  He also has Asperberger’s?—Cb

  So you are in favor of violating the ADA act? What if he wanted to be a cheerleader but was blind? Okay to discriminate then? And his parents would just be pushy activists with their own agenda?

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  Digger on February 01 at 9:36 p.m.

  Interesting situation. I agree with MM - this kid is a leader - gay, biracial AND Asperbergers syndrome.

  Kudos to him - sounds like mom is making much ado about nothing tho.

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  Thatrandomkidd on February 02 at 7:28 p.m.

  I am one of the 100 some students at Garfield-Palouse High School. I am in no way connected to the Cheer-leading squad at our school, I just speak as I see.

  It seems to me that in reality the situation where the school supposedly tried to convince Ben to become a mascot, I think it was not to be discriminatory it was to protect him. Think about it. A Gay African-American student in a school in the middle of the wheat fields. While everyone isn’t raciest or sexist in our area, the few that are, can be very vocal about it. It appears that whomever might have been trying to sway him from becoming a cheerleader was trying to keep him from being in a position where people would be able to make comments, or do things that could make him feel unwelcome in our community.

  It had seemed to me that during games or events he was allowed to do everything that the girls did from the start. I may be mistaken, but I am usually quite observant.

  (Here comes the I just heard about it part) “There were cheer leading tryouts, he did well, they put him on the team.”

  It seems to me that Ben is a normal student in our school, although I would not consider him in my “circle of friends” I treat him as if he was any other student, like he should be. I have walked through the halls and heard comments made like they would be made about any student anywhere. (Lets face it teenagers can be amazingly cruel) Every school has those few people that when pointed out can give the illusion that it is accepted.

  I don’t think that in our school Ben is treated any different than any other student would be treated in any other school. If you can find a school that doesn’t have a single student that just has that chip on their shoulder where they feel that they need to put someone down to make themselves feel better about their life, then let me know where it is.

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  Cis on February 02 at 9:54 p.m.

  That One Random Kid , very well said….

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  Suzanne_Grundy on February 04 at 3:11 a.m.

  Hi Everyone,

  This is Ben’s Mom. I would like to clarify some points that were a) missing from the news story due to time constraints, and b) many of you have either asked about or commented on without said information.

  1. Yes, Ben was a football cheerleader in his Junior year. He had pom poms and used them for the arch when the team members were introduced. During the game, he used a megaphone. That squad planned a dance routine, but ended up not performing it; and, Ben was not going to be allowed to participate in it. Because they did not perform it, it was a moot issue. His uniform was exactly the same as the girls’ on that squad. At that time, except for kicks, Ben did everything else his female teammates did. He was ok with this, but told me that next time, he definitely wanted to do everything, including any dance routines.

  2. Due to a lack of availability by potential cheerleaders, there was no football cheer squad this past season. Ben was a one-man recruiting team attempting to get his cheer friends to sign up. He was truly sad there was to be no team, but decided to look ahead to basketball cheerleading.

  3. As soon as the basketball cheerleading sign up list came up, Ben signed up along with10 or 11 other people. The staff discussed tryouts, as they only had six cheerleading uniforms (female). They told Ben and me that he would not have to try out, as he was the only boy. I told them that he would most certainly try out, just like everyone else. He even worked on what he thought was an appropriate floor exercise for the tryouts. They ended up not having tryouts as enough people took themselves off the list to leave five girls and Ben. A sixth girl joined at a later date.

  While this list was up, the Athletic Director asked Ben why he wanted to be a cheerleader - didn’t he know he’d have to perform in front of a large crowd - wouldn’t he be happier being the school’s mascot? (By the way, performing in front of that same large crowd… probably covered up in said mascot outfit.) When he came home that day, he was very upset and confused. He didn’t want to be the mascot, he wanted to be a cheerleader. I called the school and asked the Vice Principal I spoke with if the Athletic Director had heard of the word discrimination. I explained what had happened, was profusely apologized to, and told that, yes, Ben would be a cheerleader if that is what he wanted. I received a similar call from the Athletic Director about 10 minutes later. I figured that would be the end of it and dismissed the matter from my mind, as did Ben. While we have had some issues with the school administration in the past, there had never been anything like this before, and I assumed (you know what they say about that word) there would be no further incidents.

  At the first team meeting, Ben asked if he would be able to participate fully and explained the football cheer squad limitations. He and I were told by his coach that he would be a full participant, cheers, dance routines, everything except the pom poms. He wasn’t happy about not getting pom poms, but he and I talked about it and decided he could live with that. He was truly excited and happy, as cheering for him was a way to express school spirit and make friends, something those with Asperger’s Syndrome find great difficulty in.

  tbc

• 

  Suzanne_Grundy on February 04 at 3:12 a.m.

  After approximately the first week of practice, the coach implied to me that Ben’s male anatomy might be moving around. I told her I would get him a jock strap to resolve this potential issue. I was ignored. However, because Ben’s ordered uniform had some sort of manufacturing issue, his coach did indeed go and get him a really nice shirt, which she had embroidered, etc. With the warm up pants from his football cheer team and the shirt, he looked like a cheerleader. The shirt was long and the pants were close enough. I went to the first game, and Ben did most of what the girls were doing. He was happy, and therefore, so was I. That was the whole point… that he was doing something that meant a great deal to him.

  4. The fact there was even more going on didn’t come to my attention until we got back from an out of state holiday during the winter break. Ben and I had notified his coach and the school that we would be out of town, especially as I had to take him out of school a few days early. He ended up getting ill that last week and missed the entire time period. I called the school to inform them he was ill and asked them to not only let his teachers know, but his coach, too. When she called that Monday afternoon, he had been sleeping. That ended up being an unexcused absence as he did not call her - which is why he didn’t cheer the first game upon coming back from break. He was told this on the 4th of January at practice. He was also informed that he would not get to participate in the upcoming dance routine due to his not informing the coach he would be gone over winter break. The team had been practicing this routine over the break.

  He came home utterly devastated, angry, confused and most certainly heart-broken. I called the coach to discuss the situation and became so angry myself, that before I did or said something I would regret, I told her I couldn’t continue the conversation at that time. Then the dam broke and Ben told me all the other things that had been going on. Here’s a link to Wikipedia’s Asperger’s information page:

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

  Ben tends to hold things in until something happens that brings it all out. He told me that the Athletic Director had continued to pressure him to become the mascot for the school; that his coach was saying the same things; and, that some of his teammates were also telling him to become the mascot. He told me that his coach had begun restricting his movements during cheers. When he asked why, she told him that the older crowd might find it offensive. I was flabbergasted, to put it mildly. So was my older son, home on leave from the Army. We decided a phone call wouldn’t be enough this time, as it had apparently not been enough the first time. So we wrote a letter that we sent (yes, to everyone up the school district chain, the A
  CLU, Congresswoman McMorris Rodgers, and local TV and News media) to the Principal of the High School delineating the issues and asking for resolution. I gave a suspense date to respond to me with their decision of action.

  If anyone is interesting in viewing the correspondence between myself and the school, send me an email at szanne7000@gmail.com and I will be happy to forward it all to you.

  I was contacted by all three local television networks, interviewed with two of them, and the Lewiston Tribune. Kerri Sandaine wrote a wonderful article in Monday’s (2/1/10) paper on this issue. I gave both news people disks with video and pictures from before the first letter and after - this includes Ben’s participation in the delayed dance routine - a routine he was given a week to learn. Fortunately he and I had discussed practicing the routine at home as best he could in case anyone changed their minds about his participation. I had no expectations, but did have hope.

  tbc

• 

  Suzanne_Grundy on February 04 at 3:13 a.m.

  5. After the school received my first letter, they had a flurry of meetings and began making changes which allowed Ben full participation with his squad, including getting him pom poms. His uniform finally showed up; and, while not the male counterpart to the girls’ uniforms, it is a uniform. It is the boys tear-away warm ups like the boys basketball members wear with a basketball shirt that has the school logo on it. They should be able to recycle this for a basketball player next season. At this point in time, Ben is happy that he is able to fully participate in all cheer activities.

  6. Finally, some items for clarification.

  a. I do not have a lawyer, although I have spoken to a few to get advice on how to handle this situation.

  b. I am a Veteran of the US Armed Forces with a service connected injury/disability. I receive full compensation from the Veterans Administration. I am not interested in money, nor do I have any plans to sue the school or the district.

  c. I have asked the school to choose letters of reprimand for the staff involved, a splitting up of the Superintendent/Principal position, and a Sexual Harassment and Discrimination Seminar for everyone from the School Board down to the students at the school.

  d. I do not believe there was a conspiracy to discriminate against my son. But, it did happen and certain discriminatory actions are still happening. This screams out the need for education regarding these issues. I also believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion - for, against, or neutral on this or any other issue. However, a public school that receives federal funds must comply with Title IX which forbids discrimination. Not to mention that little thing called the 14th Amendment of our Constitution.

  Finally, until this issue is resolved, I will continue to push for these actions to be taken. I have requested Congressional assistance and have spoken with the ACLU. I am meeting this afternoon with the Third Party Investigator the school has chosen. That this gentleman is one of two Risk Management Investigators for the company (Canfield and Associates) that administers the school’s insurance policy and not what I would truly consider an unrelated, unbiased third party is not relevant. But it is ironic. An attorney I did speak with yesterday says he knows this man, and knows he his fair. I intend to be open minded and see what his investigation has to say.

  Should anyone want to contact me, please feel free to do so. You may find my number through information, I am listed. Email is also good - especially if you are interested in the correspondence with and from the school. szanne7000@gmail.com

  I appreciate the interest in this matter; and while I find some of the comments difficult, I also understand that everyone has not been privy to the entire story; too bad the school cannot comment - I, too, would like to know what they are thinking.

  Sincerely,
  Suzanne Grundy
  Garfield, WA

• 

  Lynne on February 04 at 8:13 a.m.

  I’ll have to report this continual beating of a dead horse to PETA immediately. LOL

• 

  nic on February 04 at 8:17 a.m.

  “while not the male counterpart to the girls’ uniforms, it is a uniform. It is the boys tear-away warm ups like the boys basketball members wear with a basketball shirt that has the school logo on it.”

  What? Did you want him to wear a mini-skirt? Tear-away warm ups is similar to what I’ve always seen in HS cheer squads that had male members. What makes you son so much more special than all the other male cheerleaders that wear break-away warm ups?

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  spokelooneh on February 04 at 8:19 a.m.

  “One comment suggests he is gay. Why is that even relevant? Or even correct.”
  -Herb
  The fact that he’s gay is in the referenced and linked story. Try reading for comprehension.

• 

  Norther on February 04 at 8:29 a.m.

  Hey! This kid made Fark! Wow. Now instead of being an inspiration to anyone, he is officially making the internet rounds on all of the spoof sites. This certainly should have been handled better on all accounts.

• 

  Suzanne_Grundy on February 04 at 4:12 p.m.

  “while not the male counterpart to the girls’ uniforms, it is a uniform. It is the boys tear-away warm ups like the boys basketball members wear with a basketball shirt that has the school logo on it.”

  What? Did you want him to wear a mini-skirt? Tear-away warm ups is similar to what I’ve always seen in HS cheer squads that had male members. What makes you son so much more special than all the other male cheerleaders that wear break-away warm ups?
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  No, I didn’t want him to wear a mini-skirt. Neither did he. They have, however, uniforms for guys that match the uniforms the gals wear. We were under the mistaken impression that is what they were ordering for him. I even offered to purchase the uniform myself, if cost was an issue for the school - as his first cheerleading experience with them, they covered all the costs.

  I also said what they ended up doing made financial sense, as they are a small school and can reuse Ben’s uniform for a basketball player next season.

  Thanks,

  Suzanne Grundy
  Ben’s Mom

• 

  Sisyphus on February 04 at 4:22 p.m.

  Your a good mama Suzanne. Good luck with the issue.

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  fromgarpal on February 04 at 4:46 p.m.

  No, I didn’t want him to wear a mini-skirt. Neither did he. They have, however, uniforms for guys that match the uniforms the gals wear. We were under the mistaken impression that is what they were ordering for him. I even offered to purchase the uniform myself, if cost was an issue for the school - as his first cheerleading experience with them, they covered all the costs.

  I also said what they ended up doing made financial sense, as they are a small school and can reuse Ben’s uniform for a basketball player next season.

  Thanks,

  Suzanne Grundy
  Ben’s Mom
  __________________________________________________

  Simply for the record I go to Gar-Pal, and I cheer there.

  Ben’s uniform will never be used for a basketball player. It belongs to the cheerleading program. And it dosent match the basketball player’s uniforms. So the comments that it can be used by the basketball team next year are untrue and pointless.

  Also, why would the school order the matching counter part to the girl’s uniforms when the uniforms are being discontinued at our school next year? The uniform that ben got is really really nice, and looks great on him.

  And just to get my word in, Ms. Grundy, no one on our squad has ever had a problem with Ben being gay, bi-racial, or having Aspergers Syndrom. We have even privatly been working very hard, by talking with people who have an understanding of the syndrom, to know how to work with Ben and ensure that his neurogiolical disorder, and the symptoms that it presents, never cause an issue or a missunderstanding in communication (as people with aspergers often have a hard time in social situitations and interpetiting things).

  Ben is a member of our team, and we support that 100%. All we, Ben included in that “we”, really wants is to have a good season and have fun. For me, this is my senior year and therefor the end of my “cheerleading career”. I have loved cheerleading since I was a little kid, even when its been compliacted or hard, I’ve still managed to have fun. The lies that you are telling about our coach, us, and our school are hurtful, and its making it not fun to be a cheerleader anymore. Its not fun for any of the team members, your son included. Your demands were met by the school a few weeks ago, so why cant you stop this, and let all of us have a good end to the rest of our season.

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