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Huckleberries Online

Tue., March 25, 2014, 11 a.m.

Joker: Guns Needed At Parades

"You people don't get it," comments Joker, tongue firmly cheeked. "Guns are totally necessary at a parade. I’ve got a dozen reasons to help Steve Adams win his case."

  • 1. Property rights. I camp out for hours to get a great spot. The last thing I need is some idiot trying to lay claim to my little piece of grass under a tree on Sherman. Nobody and I mean nobody is going to steal my public right of way.
  • 2. People. They annoy me. Beyond the bad fashion choices, horrible tattoos, they're milling about aimlessly like a bunch of zombies. It's like they're waiting for something to start. Keep out of my space and out of my sight.
  • 3. Dads. There’s always some jerky dad who uses their adorable little kid to cut in front of me. I hate it. You’ve got shoulders, use them. Go bother someone else.
  • 4. Cute kids. Who do these brats think they are? I am all set up with my giant cooler, my beverages, my over sized umbrellas and boom box, electric fan and then some little boy or girl has to giggle, laugh and and clap -- thereby ruining my parade experience.
  • 5. Clowns. You can never trust a clown. Who knows what they’re going to do.
  • Complete list here


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D.F. Oliveria
D.F. (Dave) Oliveria joined The Spokesman-Review in 1984. He currently is a columnist and compiles the Huckleberries Online blog and writes about North Idaho in his Huckleberries column.

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