There has been a lot of finger wagging about the Spokane City Council devoting its Monday night meeting to a public outpouring over the state’s new gay marriage law. Some of my co-conspirators in the media argue that council members should stick to topics that are within the scope of their control. That’s one way to look at it. The wrong way, alas. Now I won’t argue the logic. I agree it’s a waste of time for the City Council to get bogged down in nonbinding resolutions like gay marriage. And that’s a bad thing, how? Look at it this way. For this one glorious Monday evening … No parking meter rates were raised. Not one more red light intersection camera was installed. While citizens wrangled passionately over the definition of marriage, our hamstrung leaders couldn’t come up with any new ways to pick our pockets/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Would you rather see your City Council get bogged down on nonbinding resolutions involving topics like gay marriage than to handle its usual business?

According to that fabled Mayan calendar, 2012 is the year when Planet Earth finally makes like Pamela Anderson’s acting career. But don’t worry. We have until December before the you-know-what hits the fan. In the meantime, my advice is to go to Amazon.com and pre-order your copy of an exciting new book: “Megacatastrophes! Nine Strange Ways the World Could End.” ($10.20, Oneworld Publications) From giant descending space chunks to malevolent microbes, the book – scheduled for release next month – offers an informed peek at the most plausible/possible cataclysms that would definitely screw up the ol’ holiday shopping season/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: So how do you think this all ends? Mayan calendar? Rapture & Armageddon? global warming? What?

Words you don’t often see in a Clark column: Great job, Spokane City Council! I couldn’t be prouder or more impressed by the council’s unanimous decision to just say NYET to Brad Thoma, the ex-Spokane cop who was fired following an off-duty drunken-driving arrest that saw him hit a citizen’s truck and then run like a chicken. This was not the usual City Council confab Monday night. This was “True Grit II.” No guns were blazing, but the rhetoric was worthy of anything Rooster Cogburn ever uttered. “I not only say, ‘No,’ but I say, ‘Hell no,’ ” fired council newbie Mike Fagan. I’ve heard the line before. But Fagan’s timing and delivery could get him some consideration at the next People’s Choice Awards/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Will you still think the city was wise to fight this settlement if it loses the $4M lawsuit that Thoma's attorney has filed?

In the latest example of your busybody government at work, Spokane’s City Council has decided to make outlaws out of we citizens who dare toss snow into the streets. Weird. I don’t remember snow fines being promised by any Council candidates during the recent campaign season. But in a 5-1 vote, the council ruled to charge homeowners 52 bucks for acts of slushy defiance. Well, bring it on, plowboys. I’ll come clean. I’ve been known to throw snow into the boulevard now and then. And I liked it. That’s because it was usually after some renegade plow jockey turned the Clark driveway into the iceberg that sank the Titanic. So no cheesy fine is gonna scare me. Besides, who’ll enforce this snow job?/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: When did you last throw a snowball at someone or something?

Happy Super Bull Sunday. This is the day when the dark forces of merchandising pull out all the stops to hypnotize us with images of hot chicks, prancing Clydesdales and talking babies. Man, those talking babies give me the creeps. Some of these super commercials will be hilarious, of course. A lot of them will be dumber than a box of socks. But every one of them will be designed to separate you and me from our hard-earned cash. Oh, yeah. There’s some kind of football thing going on today, too. But selling stuff to suckers is the real game being played today. Even Madonna’s halftime appearance is part of the National Undertakers Association campaign to promote the wonders of embalming/Doug Clark, SR. More here. (AP photo: This advertisement provided by Dannon Co,. shows a scene from the Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt Super Bowl commercial, starring Jessica Blackmore and John Stamos)

Question: So, which Super Bowl commercial was your favorite?

This Year of the Dragon is starting out on a real high. Monday night, for example, our new so-called “conservative” Spokane City Council agreed unanimously that medical marijuana should be legal and available to those who need it. So give council members big hookah huzzahs for standing up to the federal government’s pot paranoia. Being weed free means my knowledge on this subject is limited to Seth Rogen movies. But I know enough to see medical marijuana as the municipal bong, I mean, boon we’ve all been praying for. Until they were so rudely shut down by the feds last year, medical marijuana dispensaries were about to become an even bigger growth industry than towing cars out of Browne’s Addition/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: The Spokane City Council supports medical marijuana. Gov. Butch Otter doesn't. Who's right?

There’s a vital message to the planet contained in the story headlined: “Man hardly fazed by nail in his brain.” And no, the vital message has nothing to do with any misplaced nail. Heck, X-ray all the bozos we elect year after year. I’m betting half of them at least have loose screws rattling around inside their cranial cavities. How else do you account for the ridiculous ways they waste our money? But getting back to our point …Dante Autullo, a 32-year-old Illinois man, was using a nail gun in his workshop when the device somehow went off on his noggin. … But as riveting as this not-so handyman’s ordeal is, here’s the real shocker. And I quote: “… he posted the X-ray on Facebook during his ambulance ride between hospitals for surgery.” My friends, the social media is a social disease/Doug Clark, SR. More here. (This photo provided by Christ Medical Center & Hope Children's Hospital in Oak Lawn,, Ill. on Friday, Jan. 20, 2012 shows an X-ray of a nail embedded in Dante Autullo's brain)

Question: Do any of your Facebook Friends go too far in sharing personal information?

Spokane police officer Karl Thompson, right, waits to cross the street after leaving the William O. Douglas Federal Courthouse in Yakima, Wash. Wednesday. A federal court jury on Wednesday convicted Thompson of using excessive force on a mentally ill man who died in 2006 after being struck and Tasered at a convenience store. Story here. (AP Photo/The Spokesman-Review, Christopher Anderson)

• Idaho Records/Sherry Adkins, SR
• Wednesday Scanner Traffic/DFO, HucksOnline
• Rain, snow still possible this morning/Mike Prager, SR
• Rich Landers: Hunters see sign that rut is on the way/SR
• Idahoans paying taxes on property they don't own/Anusha Roy, KXLY
• Post Falls, Rathdrum candidate finances posted/Coeur d'Alene Press
• County transfers Solid Waste funds back to general fund/Alecia Warren, Press
• Labor, IRS to work to recoup unemployment overpayments/Betsy Russell, EOB

It takes a lot to get to a guy like me. Many journalists hide behind a shield of cynicism, and I’ve had 37 years of practice. But I’ll admit it. I choked up Wednesday afternoon when my Mom called to relay the bombshell she’d just heard on TV. The jurors I had watched so intently the other day during my visit to a Yakima federal courtroom had delivered a courageous verdict. They convicted Karl Thompson, the Spokane thug cop who beat Otto Zehm like a dog five years ago in a North Division convenience store. They found Thompson guilty for all those cruel, unwarranted baton strikes and Taser shocks that robbed the mentally ill man of his dignity and ultimately his life. And guilty for all the lies Thompson told afterward to cover his sorry ass/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Were you surprised by the guilty verdicts in the Karl Thompson case?

A jury has convicted Spokane Police Officer Karl F. Thompson Jr. of needlessly beating Otto Zehm and then lying about it to cover up his actions. The verdict comes five years and seven months since Zehm’s life ended and growing questions of police accountability began. Prosecutors are expected to seek a prison term of six to eight years, arguing that Thompson was in a position of trust and that Zehm, who was schizophrenic, was particularly vulnerable. … Despite the criminal conviction, Thompson, 64, was allowed to remain free pending a follow up hearing before a magistrate in Spokane to argue continued release conditions. He posted a $50,000 signature bond following the criminal indictment in 2009/Thomas Clouse, SR. More here.

Reaction to verdict?

The verdict is in. Anyone desiring to watch the upcoming federal trial of Karl Thompson Jr. – the Spokane cop whose deadly encounter with Otto Zehm earned him an excessive force charge – must fill up the tank and travel 200 miles to Yakima. Apparently we wags of the local media are to blame for potentially tainting the jury pool with our blather. Yakima? I can’t recall the last time I was in Yakima, but I think it had something to do with mad cow disease. There’s no use whining. U.S. District Court Judge Fred Van Sickle has made up his mind, sort of.  The judge, according to our news account, conceded he wasn’t convinced that Zehm-related coverage by local media created “actual” or “perceived” bias against Thompson. Not about to be swayed by the soundness of his logic, however, the judge moved the trial anyway/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Come to think of it, I've never been to Yakima, Wash. Have you? Good experience?

Kooky members of PETA want us to stop fishing because fish can feel pain and are intelligent. Yeah? Well I’ve never heard of a fish passing the Mensa entrance exam. And if fish are such geniuses why haven’t they figured out how to avoid all the nets, hooks and tuna cans? True, a blowfish could fill in for our county prosecutor without anyone noticing. But the same could be said for a hand puppet or a peanut shell. Fish IQ aside, there’s no question about the three shirtless actors who pretended to be dead fish in a Wednesday PETA protest in Spokane. They’re dumber than a box of bait/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Who's smarter — a crappie or your average, topless PETA protester?

Charlie Sheen has been on a lot of talk shows lately and, quite frankly, he’s been painful to watch. Yeah, the poor guy appears to be off the crack and back in control. Aw, Charlie, say it ain’t so. I know. That sounds harsh. It’s fashionable to act horrified when famous people veer off the rails or – in Sheen’s case – blow like an aerosol can of bug spray left too close to a campfire. I’m talking about …

• Lindsay Lohan handcuffed and hoosegow-bound.
• Britney Spears shaving her head into a cue ball.
• Anthony Weiner mass-texting his, um, sausage photos.
• Larry Craig tap-tapping for man love in an airport toilet stall.

“Outrageous,” we huff. “Disgusting!” we puff. Aw, come off it. Be honest. You revel in these celebrity psycho soap operas as much as I do. But I’m here to tell you that it’s not wrong to feel this way/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Do you enjoy seeing celebrities and politicians crash and burn, deep down?

Well. Well. Look at the Big Brain on Leonardo. Just got back from Spokane’s Museum of Arts and Culture, where I spent time marveling at the many works of Leonardo da Vinci. I’ve been hoping to catch this exciting exhibit ever since it blew into town and Wednesday worked perfectly. It being a workday meant I had loads of time to kill. Anyway, I highly recommend “Leonardo da Vinci: Man – Inventor – Genius” to anyone who loves beautiful art or sharp-bladed machines designed to lop off the heads and limbs of your enemies. … It should be pointed out, however, that the da Vinci masterpieces at the MAC are reproductions, not originals. That didn’t bother me a bit. During one trip to Nelson, B.C., I listened in bliss as “Nearly Neil” reproduced Neil Diamond songs in the hotel lounge. I went away thinking, “Man, when you’re that good who needs real Neil?”/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Have you seen the Leonardo da Vinci exhibit? Reaction?

Dr. Michael Trantow has seen plenty of the expected in his 30 years of peering into the mouths of patients. Cavities. Diseased gums. Abscessed teeth … Seeing the Virgin Mary staring back at him, however, was definitely a first. “I was so startled,” the Spokane Valley dentist said of what he witnessed earlier this month after removing a patient’s crown. “I told everyone in the office to come in and look at this.” The consensus, he said, fell pretty much into the category of shock and awe. The exposed surface of a tooth belonging to longtime patient Marilyn Blossom appeared to bear the face of a woman who could be, well, you know who/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: What do you make of sightings of Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary in odd places like a tooth?

Believe it or not, thousands of otherwise sane and civilized Americans are raising chickens on their city property. Really. I wouldn’t pullet your leg. I learned this the other day when I was outside and heard this mindless clucking noise. Fearing the worst, I figured that the mayoral candidates must be campaigning in my neighborhood. Upon further reflection, however, I realized what I was hearing was not from dumb cluck politicians but from, well, actual dumb clucks. A call to the City Hall the next day confirmed my suspicion that Spokane is part of the large chicken-raising trend that is pecking the nation. “Oh, yeah, definitely,” said Sandy Scott, who works in neighborhood services. “They think the eggs taste better than supermarket eggs”/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Do you think eggs straight from the chicken are better than those purchased at a store?

A sinister part of me would rather not be spreading the word about the hundreds upon hundreds of collectibles that will be auctioned Thursday night inside the Spokane Valley Applebee’s restaurant at Mission and Pines. Applebee’s, you see, will soon be updating its décor. So the management decided to let the public bid on the eye-catching items that have been displayed on the restaurant’s walls for years. Most of the items were donated back when the restaurant opened its doors. The idea was to infuse the business with local flavor. Items like vintage advertising signs, say. And celebrity photographs. And movie posters. And Valley high school band uniforms. And musical instruments. And old fishing gear/Doug Clark, SR. More here. (SR photo: Dan Pelle)

Question: What type(s) of memorabilia do you collect?

I see that a federal judge has banned prosecutors from using terminology like “Hells Angels,” “Mongols” and “gangs” in the upcoming Ricky Jenks trial. Thank God. Nobody wants to see our sacred judicial process tainted by reality. As anyone who has studied the law or Judge Joe Brown episodes would know, nothing can be more unfair and prejudicial than reality in a courtroom. How do you think jurors would react at hearing that Jenks is the sergeant-at-arms for the Washington state chapter of that notorious biker gang, the Hells Angels? They could be highly prejudiced, that’s what/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: Was the judge being too cautious in handing down his order that prosecutors couldn't mentin “Hells Angels,” “Mongols,” or gangs in the trial of a Hells Angel sergeant-at-arms?

“Stand by your Klan” by Doug Clark

Edgar Steele, former Aryan Nations shyster, was found guilty late last week of hiring some thug to blow his wife, Cyndi, (and her mother) to smithereens. Can’t say I didn’t see that train a’coming. I was a tad disappointed, however, to learn that the federal jurors in Boise didn’t also find Cyndi guilty of being the thickest brick on the planet. Far be it from me to pick on the victim of record. But Mrs. Steele’s misguided faith in her hubby is not just dumb, it’s Larry the Cable Guy dumb/Doug Clark, SR. More here.

Question: What advice would you give to Cyndi Steele?

We Americans just can’t get enough about the impending matrimonial union of Prince William and Kate Middleton. So to help feed your upper crust cravings, I have prepared a quiz designed to test your royal knowledge. Answer the following questions. We’ll do the scoring at the end of the exam.

• The Queen of England is …

  A. Britain’s symbolic figurehead. (1 crown jewel.)
  B. Prince William’s grandmother. (3 crown jewels.)
  C. Elton John. (5 crown jewels.)

• Rest of Clark's quiz here

Question: How much do you know about the British royal family?