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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Are We There Yet?

Mommy Cliques

It doesn’t end in the 10th grade, apparently. While many of us worry about our kids getting bullied at school, it seems that some of us moms do it to each other.

This occurred to me while reading an excerpt from “Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads,” written by Rosalind Wiseman, the same author who wrote “Queen Bees & Wannabes.”

“Queen Bee Moms appear to have perfect lives,” she wrote. “They're often very charming, and they really, really like being in charge. They're often coaches, class parents, or heads of the PTA. The hallmark of a Queen Bee Mom isn't that she's in a leadership position (not all class parents are Queen Bees); it's that she has to be in control.”

I think I’ve had my share of experiences with Queen Bee Moms, but maybe I’ve also displayed some of the telltale signs – bossy behavior, afraid to ask for help, can’t admit when they feel overwhelmed.

Along those lines, I found this funny “ninja survival guide” for mommy cliques. Here are some of the tips from the writer, Sonja Stewart:

1. Remember you are not in high school anymore.
2. Don’t use your kids as social movers. Do your own dirty work.
3. Volunteer without overextending. Go ahead and bake cookies for the bake sale fundraiser. Sewing the costumes for the entire school play however, may not be such a hot idea.
4. Don’t gossip.
5. Be nice. It may not have always worked in the adolescent jungle, but in grown up land, it counts for a lot. Ask questions, act interested, and listen.
6. When it gets nasty, leave.

Her best advice came at the end. “I also like to say a little mantra when I feel nervous. You should try it: 'I am a ninja.' It works," she wrote. "Try it next time you’re faced with the catty moms that 'forget' to invite your kid to their three-year-old’s birthday party.”

Do mommy cliques really exist? What's your experience?



This blog is intended to provide a forum for parents to share knowledge and resources. It's a place for parents young and old to combine their experiences raising families into a collective whole to help others.