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When parents talk about getting their babies to sleep through the night, crying it out or co-sleeping are the two options that are often mentioned.
A column on Times Online, which is the website for The Times and The Sunday Times newspapers in the United Kingdom, recently delved into this age-old debate. In “How do you get a baby to sleep through the night?” psychologist Tanya Byron acknowledged that “sleep training” can be a controversial topic among parents.
In her article, Byron compared the “cry it out” approach to co-sleeping, which entails comforting the child or sharing the same bed until the he or she can sleep alone.
“Those who subscribe to attachment parenting believe that the primary caregiver should be completely responsive to the child — in tune to every whimper, holding them close and co-sleeping. They argue that co-sleeping is the norm in many cultures and we are unusual in wanting our young to sleep away from us. The ‘cry it out’ lobby varies in the strictness of its approach. There are some who espouse very severe regimes from birth while others offer watered-down versions of this theory.”
Byron also mentioned two other strategies – “controlled checking,” when parents leave the baby in the crib for a few minutes and then return to reassure her or him that mom and dad are nearby; and “gradual withdrawal,” when a parent sits by the crib but doesn’t look or talk to the child until he or she is asleep. Mom or dad is then supposed to move farther away from the crib each night until they are eventually outside the child’s room.
My husband and I tried the “crying it out” method but we fell apart after a few attempts. It just hurt too much to see our baby crying all alone in the crib. As a result, both our kids slept in our bed for a long time. Now that they’re 2 and 5, they still end up in our bed some time before dawn on most nights.
Would I recommend co-sleeping? I think it works for some families. It was the best we could do, even if we sometimes didn’t get a good night’s sleep. (It probably would’ve helped if we had invested in a king size bed.)
Do you have any other strategies to get kids to sleep through the night? How about strategies to finally get the kids out of our bed?
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addyh on April 30 at 9:10 a.m.
You know, this seems like such a monumental issue when you’re going through it. But now, 10 or 11 years on, I couldn’t even tell you when my kids started sleeping through the night. I know I never let them cry it out - I couldn’t stand it and it woke up everyone in the house. But we didn’t go in for co-sleeping either - although when our son got big enough to hop out of his bed, he’d end up in ours many nights for a year or so. It never bothered me much - I’m glad now to have those memories. My point? Don’t get too worked up no matter what method you choose - it won’t last forever.
meganc on May 05 at 8:30 p.m.
We co-slept with our kids for nine months (with the older one) and six months (with the little one).
And then we cried it out.
I think the term “cry it out” sounds harsher than it is. I only remember it taking one or two times to work. And we went into the room every five minutes, then every 8 minutes, then every 12 minutes, etc. to soothe them and remind them that we’re still close by. I honestly don’t think we even needed to ever go to 12 minutes.
I think the most important thing is that kids have well-rested, healthy, happy parents who have the energy to play and the patience to handle the bumps along the way. If we’d continued co-sleeping much longer than we did, my energy and patience would have been cut short during the day.
My daughters (ages 3 1/2 and 18 months now) are champion sleepers now. They go to bed easily after story time (my mom is always amazed when she visits). They sleep for 11 hours at night and then take 2-hour naps in the afternoon. The oldest does often come into our room at around 4 a.m., but she falls back to sleep.
virginiad on May 08 at 9:25 a.m.
I am jealous, Megan! My kids are such poor sleepers. They also stopped napping when they turned 2. But I struggle with insomnia so they must get that from me. Do you think it’s hereditary? Sometimes I think the ability to fall sleep is a “talent” — you either have it or don’t.
You’re right, though, about the “crying it out” terminology. We need to figure out a different name. :) I hope you’re well!