The Influence of Peers
Kids don't really listen to parents, according to Judith Rich Harris, author of the "The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do." Instead, it's all about their peers. In “Why Parents (Still) Don’t Matter,” TIME recently interviewed Harris, whose book caused a bit of controversy when it was first published 10 years ago. Harris insists that parents cannot make their children “good” people. Children's morals and attitudes, she argues, are actually shaped by the culture and the company they keep. “One of the things children have to do while they're growing up is to find out what kind of people they are,” Harris told TIME. “Am I smart or dull? Pretty or plain? Strong or weak? They find out the answers by comparing themselves to their peers. And they put this knowledge to good use. They find out what they're good at and concentrate on that, and give up competing in contests they are sure to lose. They try out for leadership, for example, by finding out whether other kids are willing to follow them. Research has shown that boys who are taller than their peers in adolescence tend to have more dominant, self-assured personalities in adulthood. On average, they earn higher salaries in adulthood, even though the others may have caught up to them in height.” Although they lack influence on their children’s lives, the role of the parent is to provide their kids a “happy home,” Harris said. “Aside from that, there are other things parents can do, such as providing training in music or sports. Parents have some ability to decide where they will live and where their children will go to school. Some schools have an atmosphere that is more favorable to academic achievement.” I’m not sure if I agree with that, although my children are so young right now that I don’t have much experience to base an opinion. It's a theory that doesn't make much sense to me, nor does it give me any hope or incentive to become a better parent. How about you? Do you think kids tend to listen to their friends instead of their parents? If you disagree with Harris, what can parents do to help their kids become "good" people?