Trusting your own parenting instinct
As a mom of young kids, I often look to other parents for advice.
By seeking their wisdom through experience, I’ve learned more about childbirth, breastfeeding and other issues that I never even thought about before having kids. One mom has inspired me to cook more and explore healthier and local foods. Another introduced me to slings and babywearing. One of my favorite dads, who stays home part-time with his children, often tells me about the best kid bargains in town – from used clothing and toys to where to go for free, child-friendly activities.
But learning about the parenting techniques and daily routines of other families does have its drawbacks. For a while, I couldn’t help but compare myself to other parents. Especially when my kids were younger, I was plagued by insecurities: “Am I not strict enough?” I would ask myself. “Do I work too much? Am I a bad mom for giving my kid a microwaved hotdog for lunch?”
Redbook magazine recently interviewed several parenting experts, including marriage, family, and child therapist Lisa Dunning, author of Good Parents Bad Parenting. "If you're always worrying -- am I doing it right? -- it could hinder your ability to parent effectively," she told Redbook. "But if you trust yourself as a parent, you can focus on what's best for you and your child. When you're confident and reliable in your parenting, kids know what's expected of them, and they learn to trust you and feel safe.”
The article, “Why You’re a Great Mom, No Matter How You Mother,” gave me some comfort because it emphasized that there are no absolutes in parenting, that one size doesn’t fit all. The reporter, Aviva Patz, included five steps to help parents listen to their inner voice:
* Stop comparing yourself to other parents.
* Trace the roots of your parenting style.
* Celebrate your style.
* Understand your child is unique.
* Follow your instincts.
As a parent, when did you become comfortable with your own style and trusting your instincts? Was there a particular incident or issue that helped you gain confidence as a parent?