When my son was 2, he used to play with dolls. Now at 5, he wouldn’t be caught anywhere near one.

I never discouraged him to stop playing with dolls – in fact, I prefer them to the superhero action figures – but somewhere along the line, he got the message somewhere that only girls play with dolls.

Earlier this month on the website for Mothering magazine, writer Joe Troxell discussed how his wife bought a cotton doll for their son when he was just an infant. She named the doll “Ollie.”

“I tried to look as expressionless as the limp Ollie in my hand,” Troxell wrote in his essay, “Real Boys Play With Dolls.” “Nathan was not yet a year old. In the next few years there would be plenty of time to undo this affront to his masculinity. It would mean I would just have to buy him his first BB gun sooner than I’d expected, or start giving him baseball cards and sporting equipment at every religious holiday—even holidays I’d never heard of before.”

Troxell wrote about growing up in the rural south and learning traditional gender roles. So he was frustrated to see his son take to the doll and eventually bring Ollie wherever he went as a toddler.

Over time, however, he discovered that his “aversion to my son’s playing with a doll might be based on obsolete traditions that no longer served their original purposes.” When he asked his wife if there were any benefits to having boys play with dolls, she replied: “Do you want Nathan to someday grow up and be a good dad? … So he’ll need to have qualities like compassion, sensitivity, and patience, as well as some practical experience with things like holding a baby, right?”

Troxell explores the issue in his essay and comes to this conclusion: “In a culture that often equates masculinity with violence and exploitative behavior, I can think of no better toy for a young boy than a doll to help him model kindness and responsibility for his actions. … If we want the next generation of men to be good fathers, compassionate citizens, and sensitive leaders, perhaps this process begins with something as simple and as countercultural as a childhood doll.”

How about you? Did your sons play with dolls?

I’m trying to put together a story about the “mommy brain drain” and the efforts of a local consultant – a mom of three children – to help companies become more family-friendly.

Even during these tough economic times, there are businesses out there who value the insights of mothers and fathers alike and they’re doing their best to keep them, according to this recent Wall Street Journal story. It’s not just moms, after all; single fathers are becoming one of the fastest growing demographic. According to the Census Bureau, there were 2.5 million single fathers in 2006 – up from 400,000 in 1970.

“The answer lies in these companies’ unusually long-term view and in the refreshing note of optimism that underlies it,” wrote Work and Family columnist, Sue Shellenbarger. “Employers’ staffs are already lean, the thinking goes. Eventually the economy will rebound. If companies lose more workers, they fear being too understaffed to cash in when that day comes.”

So to help retain these parents, here are some of the benefits that companies such as Intel and Discovery Communications offer: child care centers, backup child care, scholarships for employees’ children, adoption benefits.

Shellenbarger also provided a statistic from a recent study cited in Harvard Business Review: “…Even a small layoff shocks and demoralizes survivors so much that many walk out the door at the first opportunity, raising voluntary quit rates an average 31 percent above previous levels.”

By offering these perks, these businesses are hoping to reduce stress and help employees balance their lives, she wrote.

Which companies in our region would you consider to be “family friendly”?

I went to my women’s group this morning and brought my kids along. Although my friends are very patient with me and my little ones, socializing at other people’s homes can be a lot of work. Instead of visiting with my women’s group today, I spent the whole time trying to get my kids to draw, read or do something else that wasn’t disruptive to the adult conversation.

Whenever we’re in public – at a restaurant or in church — or visiting people who don’t have children, I often wonder if my kids are getting on other people’s nerves. I worry that they’re not well-behaved and I’m not doing enough to discipline them.

This afternoon, I found this excerpt from CNN commentator Jack Cafferty’s new book, “Now or Never:”

My wife and I have just been seated for dinner when the maitre d’ walks over and seats a young family at the table next to us and the kids start carrying on like orangutans on a leash.

The parents are going, “Timmy, that’s not nice, don’t throw your food, stop stuffing your mashed potatoes up your nose.” Are mom and dad having fun yet, picking food up off the floor, apologizing to people like us, and wiping food flung across the table off their faces?

Some parents still have this attitude that their kids are too special to be burdened by discipline. And the rest of us are supposed to put up with their little mutants. That attitude really pisses me off.

I hate to break it to them, but the kids aren’t special, and I don’t have to put up with their behavior. If you can’t control your obnoxious little brats, leave them home.

They don’t belong out in public annoying other people, period.

Parents: Do you ever worry about your kids’ behavior in public? Do you think most people are pretty tolerant of little children or are they like Jack Cafferty, who thinks kids should be left at home if they can’t act like adults?

I am considering going back to work full time outside of the home.  Our children are 12 (almost 13), 8 and 8.  My husband works out of state on a 2-on and 2-off work schedule.  Any advice?  Childcare? 

A friend asked me to post this question:

What is the norm for tipping these days?  A friend who works in the restaurant business says that 20% is now the norm.  What do you tip your hairdresser, pizza delivery?  How much do you pay your babysitter or nanny?

A friend asked me to post this question:

Do parents structure their kids’ days during the summer months, such as working with them on reading, math, writing, etc.?

What are your ideas for planning your summer and fitting learning in?

For nearly three decades, Gail Lampert has been working with children and parents at the South Spokane Co-Op. She started out as one of the moms who brought her three children to the preschool. She grew to love the co-op so much that she became one of the teachers and has since touched the lives of hundreds of families.

“Co-op preschool is unique in that the parents take an active part in the early learning experience,” said Elizabeth Ward of Spokane, who has a daughter enrolled at the South Spokane Co-Op. “The child gets developmentally appropriate stimulation and the parents learn valuable skills both through the preschool itself as well as the monthly evening seminars.”

South Spokane Co-op along with Manito Parent Cooperative Preschool are hosting an open house on Saturday, March 21 from 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. at Manito United Methodist Church, 3220 S. Grand Blvd. Parents interested in enrolling their preschoolers can enjoy refreshments and take part in fun crafts while learning more about the co-ops. For more information, e-mail jody713139@aol.com.

According to South Spokane’s website, sessions run September through May each year from 9:15 a.m. to 11:15 a.m. It offers a toddler day, two family days and two preschool days. Classes are available for children from birth to age 5.

The co-op is one of about six in the area that are affiliated with Community Colleges of Spokane under the Institute for Extended Learning’s Parent Cooperative Program.

Parents: Have you been involved with a preschool co-op? How does it differ from regular preschool? What was the experience like for you?

Across the country, child-care centers that were once full are now watching their enrollment numbers drop.

With the poor economy, parents are pulling their kids out of child care or after-school care to save money. Some parents have lost their jobs and are now staying home to take care of their children. Others have experienced wage and hours reduction at work, but still have to continue paying for childcare. Many are turning to their relatives, friends and neighbors for help.

According to March 2009 statistics from the Washington State Child Care Resources & Referral Network, the average annual child care cost for an infant getting full-time care is $7,800. It’s $6,504 for a 4-year-old and $4,368 for before- and after-school care. For some families struggling to survive through this recession, child care is an expense they can no longer afford.

Who helps you take care of your children? Have you been forced to make any adjustments to your childcare arrangements?

The Spokane County Child Passenger Safety Team will offer free car seat checks this Saturday (3/21) at Wendle Ford, 9000 N. Division, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Laurie Rogers, one of the members of the Parents’ Council, asked me to post the following information for parents:

Debbie Knutson, who runs a tutoring business in Spokane, and I have been discussing how parents can determine how much mathematics their children actually know. Currently, Washington State standardized tests and Spokane’s standardized tests are not structured to do this job adequately. Through no fault of the teachers, many parents are thus receiving a skewed understanding of their children’s mathematical progress. A different assessment is needed, one that is more closely connected to the more rigorous standards. 

 

We have decided to host free math assessments on March 21 for as many students as we can. We hope this idea will catch on in other areas of the state and country. If the students have gaps in mathematical skill and knowledge, their parents should have a chance to take appropriate steps before the next school year. 

 

Following is our press release. We hope you can join us here in Spokane, or - if you are not in Spokane - consider doing something similar in your area. If you have any questions, please let me know at wlroge@comcast.net or contact Debbie Knutson at Education NW Resources.

 

On March 21, 2009, from 1-5 p.m., Education NW Resources will conduct free assessments in mathematics for students in grades 2-12. The assessments are intended to reflect essential math skills and international math standards. Each assessment will be about 30-45 minutes long, and will take place at Education NW Resources, 9429 N. Newport Highway.

“Our entire purpose is to educate parents on the existence of the new state math standards, and on how their children are doing with basic math skills,” Deborah Knutson said. “Our experience tells us that many students in the area have serious gaps in critical skills, and also that many parents are unaware of how wide those gaps are.”

Knutson noted that, in 2008, Washington State’s math standards were revised substantially, increasing their rigor and emphasizing more “traditional” algorithms and concepts. However, the Washington Assessment of Student Learning (WASL) doesn’t yet reflect these changes, and the planned “end-of-course” tests haven’t yet been implemented.

“We hope parents will take advantage of these assessments,” Knutson said. “They’re relatively short, they’re free, and they’ll give parents a better idea of where their children are in mathematical skill.”

Parents can call 323-4950 to register, or they can register at the door. Seating is limited, however. Please call to reserve a seat and a time.

Contact: Deborah Knutson, Phone: (509) 323-4950, info@educationnwresources.com

In some circles, parenting has become a competitive sport.

For some reason, we can’t help but compare our kids to others. If we hear of a kid who can sing the ABCs at the age of 18 months, we feel pressured to break out the flashcards and start teaching the alphabet to our infants. Or if we learn of a child who was potty-trained at the age of 1, we start to wonder if there’s something wrong with our 2-year-old who has shown no interest in getting out of diapers. Often, we worry that our children are already behind – in crawling, walking, talking and other milestones. If they’re a little older, we get anxious if they’re not reading or doing math as well as their peers. We might even fuss about handwriting or the child’s performance in a sport.

Writer Lora Shinn suggests that parents need to mellow out and seek an alternative to “hyperparenting” and this pressure to create Baby Einsteins. The movement is called “Slow Parenting.”

In the same way that the slow food movement asks us to savor locally-grown food and home-cooked meals, as well as the time we spend eating with friends and family, the slow parenting movement promotes a more relaxed approach to raising kids.

In her story first published on the website Parent Map, Shinn interviewed Carl Honore, a proponent of the Slow Movement and author of Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting.

“It’s about giving childhood the time and attention it deserves,” Honore told Shinn. Instead of worrying about whether your child has met certain milestones, chill out, he suggested. Be open to unstructured time. Become more aware of the moment that you are spending with your child. Get to know his or her personality instead of pushing your child to accomplish certain skills at a time when he or she might not be developmentally ready or when your child has no interest.

“Sink into the uncertainty,” Honore said.

Slow parenting, he and others say, also involves cutting back on activities and toys so that families can focus on each member and the time they spend together.

What do you think about slow parenting? Would it work for your family despite the busy-ness of our day-to-day lives?

When a friend asked me what I was up to these days, I gave her a sample of my usual “to do” list.

“Mothers have always quilted,” she said matter-of-factly. “That’s what women have to do survive.”

I don’t like to sew and would never have the time to actually make a quilt, but what my friend described as “quilting” in this case is what many women have been forced to do in order to balance work, family and other obligations – especially in an economy like we have today.

Many of us no longer have a choice, so we try to be creative with our time and resources. I know moms who have launched their own businesses, moms who work two or more part-time jobs, moms who weave income-generating work in between caring for their kids by putting their hours in early in the morning, during naptimes and then again late at night.

My own quilt is a huge mess right now – a little uneven and patched with scraps that have no foreseeable pattern. When people ask me what I do these days, I tell them I teach a little, I write a little, I go to classes at night, I take good care of my kids.

In other words, I juggle like a growing number of moms. It’s what we do to survive.

Volunteering as a family provides quality time for busy families, strengthens communication and promotes cooperation, according to the Corporation for National & Community Service.

For many families, the experience also increases problem-solving skills while enabling parents and older siblings to be role models to the younger ones. It can be as simple as visiting seniors at a nursing home or picking up litter along the Centennial Trail. Or, it could be a regular family activity such as the birthday parties that the Collins Whitehead family of Spokane Valley organizes every month for the mothers and children at St. Margaret’s Shelter.

By working side-by-side, families who give back to the community learn about social issues and spend quality time together, according to experts. As a result, children learn values from their parents that include empathy, tolerance, respect and civic engagement.

Is your family involved in community service? How did you pick your project? What prompted you to volunteer together as a family?

Also, how old were your children when they started taking part in volunteer work?

Every year, the Association for Library Service to Children awards the prestigious Caldecott Medal to the artist of the most distinguished American picture book for children. Some of those books are probably already on your bookshelves at home – they’re the ones with the gold sticker on the front featuring a rendition of the medal. Many of these books also can be found at the Spokane Public Library and other libraries in your area.

The award was named in honor of Randolph Caldecott, a 19^th-century English illustrator. It’s his birthday this month so Auntie’s Bookstore is having a Caldecott Storytime on Saturday.

Come down to enjoy the amazing artwork as we read some Caldecott Medal and Caldecott Honor books. All Ages. 11 a.m., Auntie’s Bookstore, Children’s section, 402 W. Main Ave. Free. (509) 838-0206.

 My family’s favorite book this year didn’t win the medal, but it did receive the Caldecott Honor (those are the books with the silver sticker). It’s called “How I Learned Geography,” written by one of my favorite artists, Uri Shulevitz. (He also wrote and illustrated other Caldecott honor books including “Snow.” In 1969, he won the Caldecott Medal for “The Fool of the World and the Flying Ship.”) “How I Learned Geography” is about a boy forced by war to become a refugee. Although he was often hungry, he found solace in a map that his father bought one day at the market instead of food. The book is based on Shulevitz’s life, and how his family fled the Warsaw Blitz during World War II. (Shulevitz now lives in New York City.) It’s an absolutely beautiful and inspiring book, I think.

What are your some of your family’s favorite books this year?

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but my kids recognize a bad word when they hear one.

Thankfully, they don’t use expletives in their conversations with friends and family but I know for a fact they’ve heard me utter the occasional cuss word during stressful moments. I’m not a huge potty-mouth, but I’ve had to make a more conscious effort to watch my language ever since I became a mom. That’s why I laughed out loud when I saw this story earlier this week about the efforts for a cuss-free week in Los Angeles County.

It all started with McKay Hatch, a 15-year-old who established a No Cussing Club two years ago at his school.

As a result of his work, Hatch’s hometown of South Pasadena declared itself a cuss-free zone for a week last March. Yesterday, county officials in Los Angeles declared this week “No Cussing Week.”

“Next year I want to try to get California to have a cuss-free week,” Hatch, a sophomore, told the Associated Press. “And then, who knows, maybe worldwide.”

According to the AP, Hatch lives in a household where swearing isn’t allowed. When he was in seventh grade and noticed that his friends started cussing, he decided to start a group. Now, the No Cussing Club has its own website and hip-hop theme song. People all over the world have been contacting Hatch because they want to join. By cutting down on swearing, people treat each other with more civility, said the teen, which then compels people to work together and solve problems.

So parents, do you ever catch yourself swearing around your kids? What are the rules surrounding language and the use of profanity in your household?

The Chicago Tribune published a “preschool primer” this weekend and while reading the article, this piece of advice caught my eye: Check out the walls.

Besides inspecting the building for safety and assessing toys, activities, teachers and whether or not children are engrossed in activities, parents should pay attention to the artwork displayed on the walls.

“If all the pictures look the same, then your child will learn to make a bunny just like everyone else’s,” Steven Barnett, director of the National Institute for Early Education Research said. “That’s not really the goal.”

A good preschool, some say, will use art to promote creativity and problem-solving skills. The focus should also be process instead of product.

Was art at all a factor when you chose a preschool for your kids? What do you think are the characteristics of a good preschool?

 While we’re on the subject of preschool, please check out a post earlier this month on the NY Times’ Economix blog, which explained why early childhood education is a wise investment. Here’s an excerpt:

Willing to invest for the long term? Looking for a socially responsible growth industry offering consistently high returns? Want to “buy American” and create domestic jobs without discouraging international trade? Consider the benefits of public investments in early childhood education…