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I went to my women’s group this morning and brought my kids along. Although my friends are very patient with me and my little ones, socializing at other people’s homes can be a lot of work. Instead of visiting with my women’s group today, I spent the whole time trying to get my kids to draw, read or do something else that wasn’t disruptive to the adult conversation.
Whenever we’re in public – at a restaurant or in church — or visiting people who don’t have children, I often wonder if my kids are getting on other people’s nerves. I worry that they’re not well-behaved and I’m not doing enough to discipline them.
This afternoon, I found this excerpt from CNN commentator
Jack Cafferty’s new book, “Now or Never:”
My wife and I have just been seated for dinner when the maitre d’ walks over and seats a young family at the table next to us and the kids start carrying on like orangutans on a leash.
The parents are going, “Timmy, that’s not nice, don’t throw your food, stop stuffing your mashed potatoes up your nose.” Are mom and dad having fun yet, picking food up off the floor, apologizing to people like us, and wiping food flung across the table off their faces?
Some parents still have this attitude that their kids are too special to be burdened by discipline. And the rest of us are supposed to put up with their little mutants. That attitude really pisses me off.
I hate to break it to them, but the kids aren’t special, and I don’t have to put up with their behavior. If you can’t control your obnoxious little brats, leave them home.
They don’t belong out in public annoying other people, period.
Parents: Do you ever worry about your kids’ behavior in public? Do you think most people are pretty tolerant of little children or are they like Jack Cafferty, who thinks kids should be left at home if they can’t act like adults?
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JeanieSpokane on March 23 at 2:40 p.m.
My children are adults now - it does happen. When they were little, though, my worst adventures were at restaurants. The first time they acted up, I paid for our not-received dinners and left. The next time, I gave them a one-second warning. And I mean one second. Since they knew by the first experience that I would actually let them go to bed without their supper, they now had one second to STOP all ill-mannered activities. And it worked. I really didn’t have a problem with my boys in public. In fact, I would nag at them on the way to parties where other kids were present and people would come into the living room where they were sitting quietly minding their p’s and q’s and take them outside muttering at me “boys will be boys and they SHOULD get dirty!” I couldn’t win.
purplemm on March 24 at 1:07 p.m.
I think that people for the most part are faily tolerant with in reason. Now that our daughter is 18 months we have changed (temporarily) where and when we go out to eat. We usually go for and earlier dinner and shoot for about 4:00 pm and try to go to more kid tolerant restaurants like Tomato Street. We also pack a bag of quiet toys and books to occupy the time. If and when she starts acting up or getting noisy one of us immediately takes her away, for a walk around the restaurant, to the bathroom to wash her hands, basically anything that is a distraction for her.
The worst place we have taken her recently was to the Melting Pot. We had never been there and decided to go after a family symphony. We got reservations for as soon as they opened but had no idea that it would be a 2 hour dinner. (2 hours for dinner on top of 2 hours for the symphony) Thank goodness we had invited my mom so we had 3 people to take turns walking around with her in the skywalks.
The best place we took her was Chuck E. Cheese. She could be loud and run around as much as she wanted.
The 2 are worlds apart and I look forward her getting a little older and all of us being able to go to the nice restaurants again and be relaxed but we are lucky because she is pretty well behaved.
mindystewart on March 27 at 1:39 p.m.
I don’t think incidents like what Jack Cafferty wrote about are very typical. Most children are not going to acting up quite like he describes without parental intervention. As a mother of three however, there are phases of development with children that pose enough difficulty with eating out that it just isn’t worth it! It seems that as soon as children enter the phase of mobility, eating out stops for a while. Eating out again becomes a challenge when they turn about 3 years old. They can be very opinionated and not afraid to let everyone know!
We have instituted the “restaurant voice” with our children. This means that their voice is to be only loud enough for people at our table to hear. I remind them that others are eating and trying to enjoy their meal. Those other people are not interested in your story, opinion, frustration, etc.
We have left restaurants with the offending child and sat in the car until the rest of the family finished eating. This has only taken one trip per child to get the message. We have used distraction methods, we try to take age appropriate entertainment (especially if the dinner is more for us than the kids), etc. It just takes time and experiences for your children to become good eating companions. As parents we need to have realistic expectations about our child’s ability to participate in a restaurant meal. If they just aren’t ready - go to Chuck E Cheese and work them into nicer, more adult settings.
I agree with purplemm, most people are very tolerant within reason. Parents have to set the standard for their children and enforce the standard, or they will never get to enjoy a meal out with their family - no matter how old their children are. Bad behavior that is tolerated without consequence or redirection isn’t fair to the child OR people around them.
grandma on March 30 at 8:22 a.m.
Mr. Cafferty isn’t suggesting that children be left at home if they can’t act like adults. He simply says they should act like well-behaved children. I have, on occasion, taken the time to stop and compliment parents on the excellent behavior of their kids in public. Children need to learn how to act in social situations and not be allowed to behave like little ill trained animals.
kbrady on March 31 at 10:46 a.m.
When my now eight year old was 4 we were at an upscale restaurant while on vacation. She is and was always well behaved. We were sat next to a couple that were obviously there for a romantic dinner. Not long after we sat down they asked for boxes for their only half eaten meal and left. I immediately thought that we had driven them away a stewed on it the entire meal. She had done nothing, how could they get so upset because a little girl was sat next to them? (My thoughts). When we were done with dinner a gentleman who had been dining near us approached our table. He said that he was a school teacher as were the two ladies seated with him. He told us that watching our little girl gave him hope for the future of our children because she was such a little lady. I cried! I knew my baby was a good girl. Perhaps the other couple was not hungry anymore and was just ready to spend time alone! I have learned not to beat myself up about my parenting. Our second child took care of that. I would be black and blue if I stewed on all the times she acted up in a restaurant. Nothing like a little quiet time in the car with mom or dad while your chicken fingers are growing cold.