A recent story on msnbc.com asserts that the children
of my generation – those born between 1965 and 1977 – are among the rudest in
history.
“Today’s tykes: Secure kids or rudest in history?” claims that Gen X moms and dads have forsaken compassion and empathy in order to
ensure that our children have healthy self-esteem.
… By many accounts Generation X may be the most devoted
parents in American history. They are champions of “attachment
parenting,” the school of child-rearing that calls for a high level of
closeness between parents and children, Many Gen-X parents co-sleep with their
children, hold them back from entering kindergarten if they feel their
children’s emotional maturity is at stake and volunteer at their kids’ schools
at record rates. Gen-X moms have been famously criticized by early feminists
for dropping out of the workforce to care for their young children.
Yet, their kids are, well, rude.
It may be that today’s parents are so fixated on their children’s emotional
well-being that they’re teaching them that the well-being of others is
comparatively unimportant, says Dr. Philippa Gordon, a long-time pediatrician
in Park Slope, Brooklyn, an urban New York neighborhood famous for its dense
Gen-X parent population.
I vehemently disagree. Earlier this week, I was at neighborhood park, where my kids played alongside the children of other Gen-Xers. Unlike the
example in the story – in which a mom wouldn’t share her son’s toys with
another kid because her son started crying – we met parents who encouraged
their toddlers and preschoolers to share their trucks, shovels and other
playthings. In fact, they went out of their way to make sure my kids were
included even though we didn’t know each other.
Many families we know – and yes, they are Gen X parents –
emphasize the need for empathy and compassion for others. At our preschool,
teachers work hard to build community among the children so that they know how
to work together, solve problems together, help each other and show care and
kindness – not just to for people but also for materials and livings things in
our environment.
What do you
think? Do you think today’s kids are really among the
rudest in history?
Spokane7
51°
addyh on May 06 at 1:16 p.m.
I think the problem isn’t with your kids or any kids Virginia; it’s with that story. What a crock. Take three outlandish anecdotes, add in a little psychobabble, then extrapolate it to an entire generation. There’s some fine journalism.
virginiad on May 08 at 9:20 a.m.
Hi Addy! It was one of those stories that made me shake my head and think, “That can’t be true!” I just meet so many parents — at the playgrounds, church groups, schools, etc — who work so hard to teach their children how to be compassionate to others. I also think healthy self-esteem and empathy go hand-in-hand — I’m not sure why some of the psychobabble concluded that they were mutually exclusive.
carolynl on May 10 at 9:34 p.m.
Ya know, we can always make our own sweeping generalization here. Maybe it’s a New York thing. :-)
shawnv on May 11 at 12:10 p.m.
I know that my child is one of the rudest in history. We tell him to go up to people and kick them in the shins. I can’t speak for any other GenX-ers.
Seriously, I think this is just one of the many, many know-it-all American sports — criticizing parents and “kids these days.” I recently did a little scouting around online because our 2-year-old has been biting — something children of previous generations apparently never did.
You’d be amazed at how many commenters on blogs suggested biting your children back. And not only that, but the commenters are in a state of high dudgeon about it, as if permissive modern parents refusing to bite their children back were at the root of all that’s wrong with society today.
virginiad on May 11 at 2:22 p.m.
Don’t all kids bite at some point? Both of mine did — one still does when she gets really really mad. I hope she doesn’t bite other kids, but I know she tried to bite me at a recent birthday party when I told her she couldn’t open the gifts…. It has never occurred to me to bite back.
Cindy_H on May 12 at 9:26 a.m.
Amazingly, with four kids, I never had a biter. However, when I was 5, I bit my older sister (who TOTALLY deserved it). My mother reached across the backseat, grabbed my arm and chomped it! (Maybe I should start a support group?)
I never bit my sister again.
Instead, I grew my fingernails really long and proceeded to pinch and scratch (only in self-defense, of course).
toadman on May 12 at 2:06 p.m.
I believe there may be a genetic component to rudeness. Our oldest (9) is emotionally detached in many ways.. he lacks empathy… he’s also been defined by his teachers as “exceptional” and “gifted.” Two terms that I was branded with myself, in my younger days, and grew to hate. He was also our only biter (well, he did it once, and never again).
Our middle son (6), however, is calmer, quieter, empathetic and emotional, and refreshingly academically average. As for rude, the older one is sometimes rude because he doesn’t understand his effect on the emotions of others, and the middle is so shy he never talks to anyone, and is therefore, the complete opposite of rude.
Why do I mention all this? Because both boys have the same Gen-X parents, my wife (40) and I (39). We discipline them the same, they get the same punishments and rewards. So I believe, as with everything, that the world, and people (including children and their rates of development and personalities), are more complex than the story on msnbc suggests.
Nancy_Strom on May 12 at 7:37 p.m.
I am a high school teacher. A friend who teaches 5th grade and I were talking about how our students have changed over the past dozen years. One thing I have noticed that seems to be getting worse is the lack of respect toward adults and even their peers. I don’t know if it’s the “reality TV” mindset where everyone is trying to outdo what has already been done, or a sense of entitlement because of a lack of discipline, or maybe a bunch of reasons all mixed together. Most kids are great, but the ones who are not are getting worse every year.
msdimauro on May 20 at 2:05 p.m.
I really do not agree. I have two children and they have been taught to be compassionate and care about others feelings. I also have introduced religion into their lives and that has made a difference I believe. I do notice that children that are not exposed to any type of Spirituality or religious activity tend to be more callous and “rude”.
I think that today’s chidlren are exposed to too much, too much internet, games, tv. When it comes to socializing they do not know how to.