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When your child is struggling with homework, what do you do?
All parents want to help, of course, but once in a while, it’s not unheard of for a mom or dad to give too much help. Instead of guiding their kids along, they end up putting words in their children’s mouths as they write an essay or give away the answers for the math homework due the next day.
Linda Cameron, a veteran teacher and professor at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, recently finished a major study on homework. In this article, published in Canada’s Globe and Mail, Cameron advised parents to “be at the elbow, but don’t hold the pen.”
Moms and dads should think of themselves as coaches providing support and the tools. And when a child simply can’t finish the homework, despite all the help and encouragement from his or her parents, it’s important for the parent to send a note to the teacher explaining why the task isn’t complete. It’s better than cheating by doing the homework for them, according to education experts.
“I wrote many notes to school, saying we spent this much time on it and enough’s enough, we need family time,” Cameron told the Globe and Mail.
The U.S. Department of Education publishes a guide called “Helping Your Child With Homework.” Here are some tips from the publication:
How much homework does your child have to do each week? How much help do you provide?
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virginiad on December 07 at 8:53 p.m.
This is from Annie, who asked me to post the following:
I was going to respond to your homework help column, and then in the Wall Street Journal on Wednesday someone wrote in the same question and it was answered by an expert in exactly the way I was going to answer (really) (well almost), so it wasn’t just based on the limited scientific study group of me and my son.
Harris Cooper, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke Univ. and an author on homework issues, says that it is best to limit your role to providing a good environment and materials and to show a positive attitude toward homework and serve as a role model by doing your own quiet tasks while your child works. He suggests you watch your child for signs of frustration so you can suggest a break if needed, give guidance, not answers, but otherwise stay away. Homework, he says, is a great way for kids to develop independent, lifelong learning skills.
I heartily applaud this approach and take it a step further. If you have no quiet tasks to do—maybe your tasks are dinner, laundry, checking your voicemail, vacuuming—then kid 1 and maybe kids 2 and 3 will need to be able to do their homework on their own. They may even need to be able to do it before you come home. This is the reality of many people’s lives.
Homework is for kids. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s not your responsibility. You will not be there when they study in college. At least I hope not. You will not be sitting beside them on their first professional job. Hopefully you won’t be writing their resumes and job hunting letters. You want them to grow up with the self-confidence to do these things themselves. It all starts with homework! Let the kids do it. Let them make mistakes. Mistakes are not fatal. This is school! They’re not Boeing engineers yet!