HolaWe’re an interracial family but since our kids are so
little, we have never had an in-depth conversation about race. And to be
honest, I really wouldn’t know where to start.
But the topic has come up. While drawing and coloring one day, my son, who just turned 6, said to me, “I’m white.”
My response was automatic: “No, you’re not.”
(Just a side note – do
you remember a time when “flesh” was actually a color in the crayon box?)
I’m not sure why I responded so quickly instead of asking him
to clarify, which is what I would normally do. I started explaining to him that
even though his dad is white, I’m not white, so therefore, he isn’t white,
either. It made him a little confused but we both dropped the subject. I just didn’t know where to go from there. I told him it would probably be more accurate to describe ourselves as “brown.”
Earlier this month, excerpts from the book, “NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children,” were published in Newsweek. The book’s author, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, wrote about a researcher
from the Children’s Research Lab at the University of Texas and her studies on
racial attitudes among children. Families who volunteered for the study were
asked to discuss racial equality with their children every night for five nights.
Several families immediately dropped out.
“It was no surprise that in a liberal city like Austin,
every parent was a welcoming multiculturalist, embracing diversity,” wrote
Bronson and Merryman.“But according to (the researcher)’s
entry surveys, hardly any of these white parents had ever talked to their
children directly about race. They might have asserted vague principles—like ‘Everybody’s
equal’ or ‘God made all of us’ or ‘Under the skin, we’re all the same’— but
they’d almost never called attention to racial differences.
“They wanted their children to grow up colorblind.”
However, through an earlier test of just the kids, the researcher discovered that the children already had discriminatory attitudes about race.“In this supposed race-free vacuum being created by parents, kids were left to
improvise their own conclusions—many of which would be abhorrent to their
parents,” Bronson and Merryman wrote.
Do you talk to your children about race? Is race a topic
that comes up only among people of color or mixed race families? How old should the child be before engaging him or her in this conversation? How do you start talking to your child about this often complicated and controversial subject?
This last winter I was visiting folks on a Saturday morning. The dad is African-American and the Mom is Caucasian. I was snugly seated on their couch with a cup of hot coffee in my hands.
The Dad’s cell phone rang. It showed it was a call from their twelve-year-old daughter. Instead of hearing his daughter’s voice, when he answered the call, the dad heard the voice of a Spokane Police Officer.
The officer said he had seen his daughter, who was walking with two blonde girls, near their neighborhood school. He said he wanted to “make sure” the dad knew where his daughter was.
The Dad looked at his wife and then me, and said, “I know where my daughter is. Is there a problem?” The officer replied that there was a report of a child on the roof of the nearby school building. The Dad asked what that had to do with his daughter. The officer replied, he was “just checking.”
A few minutes later, the daughter came back to the home and repeated what had happened. She said she and her two Caucasian girlfriends were walking in the neighborhood and a policeman stopped his car and, ignoring the two blonde girls, asked her what she was doing.
She said she “didn't know what to say” but was able to reply she was “out walking” with her friends. She exclaimed to her parents, “The policeman didn’t even talk with (my friends) just me.
The Mom and Dad exchanged the sharp quick look of people who know what they know. They looked at me, with that same look, and I knew too. They began telling her that’s why she has a cell phone, and began discussing what “profiling” is.
The parents told me the following week their daughter told her parents, “I feel different but I don’t know why.”
I am a single parent of a two boys my oldest, who is 20 is bi-racial. I am white and his father is black he grew up in North Idaho and we have had several conversations about his heritage thru the years growing up. He always knew he was a combination of races growing up and during that time he did endure some taunting and comments from simple minded people. When this would occur he would come home from school and I would explain to him that yes he was different in color to some of his friends but that was the only difference and the ones that would call him names had closed minds to how the world is made. I never told him nor encouraged him to chose just one race and now that he is an adult attending college he can identify with both of his heritages and I can tell you that he is both proud and disappointed in things that occur in both races. One time when he was younger he was staying with his younger cousin and my nephew made the comment to his mother that he wanted to be the same color as his cousin. If you don't treat it as a big deal when your child inquires about their mix of races and encourage them to explore and embrace their races, I believe that they grow up to be a more diversified and well rounded individual.
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This blog is intended to provide a forum for parents to share knowledge and resources. It's a place for parents young and old to combine their experiences raising families into a collective whole to help others.
34°
James Mahoney on September 27 at 10:16 p.m.
You Know When You Know
This last winter I was visiting folks on a Saturday morning. The dad is African-American and the Mom is Caucasian. I was snugly seated on their couch with a cup of hot coffee in my hands.
The Dad’s cell phone rang. It showed it was a call from their twelve-year-old daughter. Instead of hearing his daughter’s voice, when he answered the call, the dad heard the voice of a Spokane Police Officer.
The officer said he had seen his daughter, who was walking with two blonde girls, near their neighborhood school. He said he wanted to “make sure” the dad knew where his daughter was.
The Dad looked at his wife and then me, and said, “I know where my daughter is. Is there a problem?” The officer replied that there was a report of a child on the roof of the nearby school building. The Dad asked what that had to do with his daughter. The officer replied, he was “just checking.”
A few minutes later, the daughter came back to the home and repeated what had happened. She said she and her two Caucasian girlfriends were walking in the neighborhood and a policeman stopped his car and, ignoring the two blonde girls, asked her what she was doing.
She said she “didn't know what to say” but was able to reply she was “out walking” with her friends. She exclaimed to her parents, “The policeman didn’t even talk with (my friends) just me.
The Mom and Dad exchanged the sharp quick look of people who know what they know. They looked at me, with that same look, and I knew too. They began telling her that’s why she has a cell phone, and began discussing what “profiling” is.
The parents told me the following week their daughter told her parents, “I feel different but I don’t know why.”
Respectfully,
Jim Mahoney
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stephjoemt on September 28 at 9:13 p.m.
I am a single parent of a two boys my oldest, who is 20 is bi-racial. I am white and his father is black he grew up in North Idaho and we have had several conversations about his heritage thru the years growing up. He always knew he was a combination of races growing up and during that time he did endure some taunting and comments from simple minded people. When this would occur he would come home from school and I would explain to him that yes he was different in color to some of his friends but that was the only difference and the ones that would call him names had closed minds to how the world is made. I never told him nor encouraged him to chose just one race and now that he is an adult attending college he can identify with both of his heritages and I can tell you that he is both proud and disappointed in things that occur in both races. One time when he was younger he was staying with his younger cousin and my nephew made the comment to his mother that he wanted to be the same color as his cousin. If you don't treat it as a big deal when your child inquires about their mix of races and encourage them to explore and embrace their races, I believe that they grow up to be a more diversified and well rounded individual.
Flag as inappropriate