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The Wednesday Slice

A colleague I would have thought too young to be experiencing an LSD flashback mentioned to me the possibility that I might want to provide after-school care this fall when her daughter begins first grade.

I'm pretty sure she was being amusing. But maybe it's not so crazy as it sounds. My co-worker knows that I start early and leave the office early. So it might work, schedule-wise.

Plus, those of us employed in the mainstream media are always thinking Plan B.

And I'm sure her daughter is a good kid, entirely capable of entertaining herself. We'd get along fine.

“Sweetie, I dropped the remote. Could you reach it for me?”

But would I want to limit myself to one child? Why not open Uncle Slice's Spokane Kidz Kare? Or maybe Deadline Daycare? Or Paul Turner's Li'l Marmot Scouts.

I'm already thinking of slogans. “Home of Healthy Snacks Since 2012,” “Nap Mats Cleaned as Warranted,” “Come for the Activities Program, Stay for the Yard Work.” 

 

Just wondering: What would you say to Hugh Laurie if you bump into him when he's in Spokane for a concert later this spring?

A) Nothing. I'm not one of those people. B) “In your estimation, how many times has 'House' jumped the shark?” C) “I know it was a small role, but I thought you were really good in 'Sense and Sensibility' all those years ago.” D) “Why are you Brits so much better at doing accents than American actors?” E) Other.

 

With which statement do you agree: 1. It's the most natural thing in the world to have one's mood shaped by the weather. 2. Saying that the weather determines your mood is like admitting that you have no life of the mind.

 

Adapting song lyrics and movie lines to include an Earth Day reference: Art Anderson in the Silver Valley had an offering: “Earth Day? We don't need no stinkin' Earth Day.” 

 

Coming in Thursday's print column: We begin to call the honor roll of exceptionally well-rested Inland Northwest cats.

 

If people at work eat lunch at their desks near you: Even if it is distracting and makes you hungry, it's better when the food smells good. If the aroma of someone's lunch almost makes you retch, it's harder to get much done.

Of course, a lot of people work at home. So I guess they have to take ownership of whatever they're smelling.

   

Warm-up question: How well can you calculate how things stand re: bills vs. bank balance while taking a shower? 

 

Today's Slice question: You might have seen where Jim Kershner noted the other day that 100 years ago the S-R ran a column consisting of random items and what-not. It was called “Chinookers.” My friend Bill Simer mentioned this. I asked him if he thought that referred to the fish or the wind. The fish, he said. So…if I changed the name of my column to a fish theme, what should I select?

Bass? Scrod? Flounder? 

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. There are people living around here who saw “Ball Four” author Jim Bouton pitch for the 1969 Seattle Pilots.


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Features writer Paul Turner is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review in the Features department. He writes "The Slice" column, which appears six times a week and produces general features stories for the Today section.

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