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The Slice

Thu., May 3, 2012, 7:28 a.m.

Which are actual newsroom put-downs?

A) "Say what you will about the utter lack of clarity, it's a prose style." B) "Didn't read it." C) "Her byline is like a warning label." D) "I didn't have to read it. I heard the sausage being made every step of the way." E) "Well, I know he goes to a lot of meetings." F) "Apparently she believes that actual productivity would diminish her star status." G) "He regards himself as the funniest guy he ever met." H) "You've been on vacation? Hadn't noticed." I) "He thinks he is in a journalism movie about him." J) "According to his exhaustive lack of research, all our readers agree with him." K) "It would not occur to him that the people in this room make for an exceptionally useless focus group." L)  "Performance ethics." M) "I think he's tied up cranking out some corrections." N) "It seems to annoy her that print still pays the bills." O) "I love it when he assumes everyone in the world has read his story and then he gets on the phone and encounters reality." P) "That's, uh, how she rolls." Q) "His level of denial is healthy for him because it keeps him from self-identifying with criticism." R) "Unlike the two of us, he can read the minds of all our subscribers." S) "Well, you have to remember that she's blessed with having the exact same personal interests as 100 percent of our readers." T) "I know we've done that story before. But in his mind it doesn't count until he has written it himself." U) "She'd be good on TV." V) "She thinks she'd be good on TV." W) "Apparently, when she receives praise for her work, she's not shy about passing it along to the editors." X) "He's the king of the theoretical job offer." Y) "Well, don't forget, he won an award." Z) "Bless her heart. She honestly believes there are other people who care about that."

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The online home for Paul Turner's musings and interactions with disciples of The Slice.