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The Slice

Mon., June 9, 2014, 4:35 p.m.

Dating and the World Cup

Who would you rather go out with?

A) Someone whose interest in the soccer tournament is based entirely on how the US team does.

B) Someone who roots for the US but also has an interest in underdog teams from several other countries.

C) Someone who roots for the US and for the country that is his/her dominant ethnic heritage.

D) Someone whose attitude is "Hey, if the USA isn't No. 1 at something, to hell with it."

E) Someone who wouldn't blame fans in Germany or Portugal for grabbing their crotches and saying "Hey, I gotcher American exceptionalism right here."

F) Someone who insists on calling soccer "football" not because it is an annoying affectation but because it bugs people who deserve a verbal thumb in the eye. (See also the fan who roots for teams from countries with international policies not dictated by the US.) 

G) Someone who likes soccer because it is a sport that doesn't seem to be specifically designed to cause injuries.

H) Someone who is rooting for a country he or she visited as a high school student.

I) Someone who thinks the World Cup puts to shame all other sporting competitions that have the nerve to call themselves the World this or World that.

J) Other.

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The online home for Paul Turner's musings and interactions with disciples of The Slice.