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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

The Slice

When people consider inviting you to a summer party

What do you imagine they weigh as your strengths and weaknesses as a guest?

A) You talk too much.

B) You can't go to your left.

C) You can be trusted around children.

D) You don't act like you have never seen an attractive person in a swimsuit.

E) You are a picky eater.

F) You stuff your face with onions and then do a lot of up-close talking.

G) You know how to tell a story.

H) You can be relied upon to limit yourself to 12 beers.

I) You are willing to dance.

J) You ask good questions about the music.

K) You actually turn off your phone and listen to other guests.

L) You have a tendency to offer unsolicited marriage advice.

M) The way you eat can be frightening.

N) Some of your stories are not family-friendly.

O) You view parties as an opportunity to air grievances.

P) You tend to be a bit of a know-it-all.

Q) Your swimsuit is a bit of a scandal.

R) You have not had any exposure to popular culture since 1975.

S) You always wear those mirrored sunglasses that make some people uncomfortable.

T) You are understanding about other guests' dietary restrictions.

U) You pout when you encounter someone who doesn't know who you are.

V) Your crush on the host is painfully obvious.

W) You have an infectious laugh.

X) You always help clean up.

Y) You were the life of the party last time.

Z) Other.

 



The Slice

The online home for Paul Turner's musings and interactions with disciples of The Slice.