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The Slice

Posts tagged: conspiracy theories

My Monday morning conspiracy theory

The scales in medical offices are rigged so patients will entertain the notion that they are in even worse shape than they thought.

The Slice Blog’s conspiracy theory

The people in our midst who hate bicyclists are somehow responsible for the aphid swarms.

My complicity in Cowles conspiracy

Just a little bit ago, I was in the Review Tower lobby talking to my friend Don Hanlon about the Stanley Cup finals.

While we were discussing last night's Blackhawks/Bruins game, Betsy Cowles came through the front doors and headed toward the elevators.

I did not interrupt my conversation with Don to hector her about the River Park Square parking garage.

So there's that.

Then, mere minutes later, I was over outside the post office on Riverside. I saw a young couple. The guy was pushing a baby stroller. He said something to the woman about finding a place to get something to eat.

They seemed like visitors, so I took the liberty of approaching them. I mentioned that River Park Square was nearby and that they could find several options there — maybe even something the kid would tolerate.

They thanked me. And, as any good corporate lackey would, I kept silent about the controversy over financing the parking garage.    

Plot suspected

I've finally figured out why certain Spokane drivers have issues with us bicyclists.

It's not because some of us are unbelievably arrogant and do all sorts of annoying things on the road. It isn't because a few of us can get a tad preachy about the environment and all. And it isn't even a matter of drivers resenting the very idea of other people having the gall to make different lifestyle choices.

No, it's because they are on to us.

They have seen us give one another that knowing little nod out on the streets of Spokane. You know, the one that — if it were in a prison movie — would unquestionably signal that “it's on.”

And they have figured out that we're up to something.

So I guess there's no use trying to pretend any more. The only thing left now is to synchronize our watches.

It's on.

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About this blog

Features writer Paul Turner is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review in the Features department. He writes "The Slice" column, which appears six times a week and produces general features stories for the Today section.

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