Paul Turner

A co-worker at the Spokane County Bar Association sent in Mark Wardrop's winning smile.

Unless your day-after soreness is somehow special, keep it to yourself. Gull 1, Gloria 0: Gloria Cash was standing outside the Opera House when one of the white birds bombed her bigtime. "My daughter said it was the most memorable part of her graduation," wrote Cash. Maybe you CAN please everybody: Spokane's Howard Stien created a bumper sticker that says "BE A CONSERVATIVE. LET RUSH DO YOUR THINKING." And, well, he can tell the story. "The intent of it was to pester the fans of Rush Limbaugh," he wrote. "My liberal friends totally enjoy the satire of it, but much to my surprise my conservative friends tend to take it literally and they applaud it as well. This may be the first political bumper sticker that offends no one. Where did I go wrong?" Gee, this looks familiar: Kimberly Taverniti-Martyn's mother and stepfather stopped by a friend's garage sale and discovered (priced and displayed) a gelatin mold and golf club they had loaned to the person holding the sale.

According to Darryl and Kathy Hammonds and other Slice readers, everybody around here claims to be an expert on dodging potholes, running the federal government, coaching the WSU football team, Californians, high-speed driving, avoiding Division, pickup trucks, Expo '74 trivia, the Mt. St. Helens eruption, the best way to put up a tent in the dark and Bigfoot, D.B. Cooper and Bing Crosby. A reminder: "Success and self-esteem are about knowing that you have choices." - from "Your Boss Is Not Your Mother," by Seattle's Brian DesRoches

A fiftysomething guy having lunch at Peking North was frowning. He was hearing about a younger fellow who apparently had complained about being single in Spokane. And the fiftysomething guy had one question: "There aren't any women in Spokane?" Aim high: Today is the National Day of Prayer.

Rockford's Diane DeLong has a son in first-grade who already has high school figured out, sort of. He recently explained that before becoming a sophomore you have to spend a year as a fisherman.

Memo To: Hollywood From: a moviegoer Re: Bloomsday, the motion picture Want to talk blockbuster? Want to talk sure thing? Well, it's time to green-light a movie based on America's strangest obsessive love affair. It's time to tell a story audiences flat out won't believe - until they see it on the big screen. We're talking 50,000 sweaty people in shorts. We're talking mega-throngs background footage that's out of this world.

For some reason, dogs and cats around here seem to love to dart out into traffic on Saturdays. So keep your eyes open today. Slice answers: Donae Thornburg thinks anything from the Spokane Coliseum will become a valuable Inland Northwest collectible. B. A. Quirk suggested trees eventually will fit that description. And Lois Watts mentioned Spokane Valley incorporation campaign signs.

Regarding the approach of spring and summer. Um, not so fast there. Gerry Weiler sent us a May 5, 1981 clipping from the Swell Paper. It shows a group of Spokane boys playing in some fresh snow.

Remember teachers saying "Now if the two of you don't quit talking, I'm going to have to separate you"? Well, who should be similarly threatened at your workplace? More on Spokane's skyline: A reader named Bill, who enclosed a couple of snapshots taken from his high-rise apartment, described it with one adjective - beautiful. "I receive much company from out of town, and this is the most used word when they look out over the city."

Those of us here at Slice headquarters just want to wish everyone a happy Take Our Daughters to Earth Day. Or is that next week? Describing Spokane's skyline: Stumpy, outdated, yuck and smoggy were among the words readers suggested. Zane Torretta phoned in "nonexistent." George Thomas said "flaccid."

Lisa Jo Marcoux overheard a man talking about his pregnant due-todeliver wife. He said: "If something doesn't change soon, the doctor says he is going to have to seduce her." Wrong turn: "I guess 32 cents really does go a lot further than 29 cents did," wrote Spokane's Jill Reynolds. She got a letter from friends in western Washington that traveled here via Fairbanks, Alaska.

Is there some rule that says you can't do something good for the environment without repeatedly telling all your co-workers about it? How to prove you're cheap: We heard about a boss in the Spokane Valley who recently took his employees out to lunch. The meal lasted an hour, rather than the usual 30 minutes. So Mr. Magnanimous docked everyone half an hour's pay. Average wage at Washington software companies: $53,000. - UW's Northwest Policy Center There's a lesson here: Slice reader Ray Tansy told us about a Spokane grade schooler, a friend of his son, who went up for a slam-dunk on a lowered basketball hoop and caught his teeth in the net. This resulted in a nasty oral injury and an emergency trip to the dentist. (He's doing OK.) Anyway, Tansy suggested we solicit stories of freak, nontragic accidents. Coliseum memory: "In February of 1961, Forbes Kennedy of the Spokane Comets hockey team skated off a penalty by keeping the puck for the entire two minutes...The two minutes ended with all the fans standing and cheering." - Jay Fowler Shyness can be seriously selfdefeating: If it is keeping you from getting a colon exam that could save your life.

People in other parts of the country might be surprised to hear it. After all, some of them think we've got sawdust in our veins. But the truth is you can live in this region for years and never see chainsaw-lugging guys in spike-soled boots sprinting up long inclined logs or watch women wield saws that are longer than the users are tall.

The Slice

Parents gain valuable insight from their opposite-sex children

Sometimes Doug Smith thinks his relationship with his 17-year-old daughter has done more to help him fathom the opposite sex than 27 years of marriage. "She's definitely given me a window," he said.

1. By third-grader Erin Lockhart. 2. By Anja Goetzinger, age 7 3. By fourth-grader Ashlee Marie Pilant. 4. By first-grader Lauren Braun. 5. "God in a pumpkin," by Jacob Olsufka, 3. 6. By Ray (last name unsigned), age 8, of Northwood Presbyterian Church. 7. By Amanda Metz, age 8.

Some people have it worse. At this very moment, somewhere in the Inland Northwest, a parent is watching a little kid pitch a fit because he or she has been told not to bring a certain toy to the table. It's not just allergy season: In the week to come, you're going to see some people with misty eyes. They are longtime readers of the comic strip, For Better or For Worse. A reader called to remind us: Not all gun racks are used to carry guns.

The backpack guy never really introduced himself. He just started in.

Try not to think about future genealogists scrutinizing records of your existence long after you're gone. "Says here she lived in Spokane and spent most of her time at a place called Nordstrom...."

If you suddenly started doing the Freddie, how many of your coworkers would recognize the dance? So that's what they're called: When Cheney's Elizabeth Olson, 3, initially checked out the frontal view of her first Barbie doll, she exclaimed "Wow, she's got big elbows."

A friend looked at her marriage license after getting home the other night and only then discovered that, as a result of an error, it appeared she would be getting hitched to herself. And that's not legal, even in the Northwest. Just wondering: Have you ever been driving on one of those parts of Interstate 90 with the bad ruts and, upon surveying a scene of everyone avoiding the center of their lanes, found yourself thinking that it looked like the worst outbreak of drunken driving in history?

"The Rocky Horror Picture Show" scared off quite a few parents.

It wasn't the Palouse prune bread talking. It was the buzz of being at a happening.