Cheap Seats

Masters of disaster

Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Bill Lyon sums up the vaunted greens at Augusta National, where the Masters begins today:

“They are not floored with parquet nor strung with ivy, but they are, each of them, theaters of the absurd and the gallant, the comic and the cruel, the hilarious and the heroic.

“If you can 2-putt a glacier, then you have a chance on them. But if speed terrifies you, if palsy pulls at your fingers at the mere thought of a downhiller over shaved concrete, then these greens are not for you. Shoot your 84 and go muttering home.”

Hey, we’d take an 84 at Ezzy.

I’ll take the driver, Jerry

Tennis star Pete Sampras, an avid golfer, recently teed it up with Los Angeles Lakers vice president Jerry West, an accomplished player.

“I asked him about his clubs,” Sampras told Ann Liguori of The Golf Channel. “Jerry had an old-looking driver. He said he had been hitting it for 25 years and he loves it. I asked if I could hit it.

“I took a big whack because I always do, and it broke the club. The head flew 100 yards. He took it pretty well. But I could tell he was really ticked off.”

West insisted he isn’t upset with Sampras, only that he could retaliate by breaking one of Pete’s favorite rackets.

Please welcome David Letterman, of NBC

Rebecca Lobo went one-on-one with David Letterman on Tuesday night, two days after she led her Connecticut basketball team to an unprecedented 35-0 season.

The 6-foot-4 do-it-all appeared at ease in the “Late Show” hot seat. That was more than could be said for Letterman, who stumbled over the opening during the taping and introduced Lobo, the player of the year, as a member of the University of Kentucky team.

The comedian also peppered her with questions about having a male coach, Geno Auriemma. “What’s it like? Is that legal?” Letterman asked.

“He’s done an all-right job so far,” Lobo responded. “And he’s not bad-looking either, so we don’t mind.”

Some faces made for radio, some minds for TV

Overheard at the Baltimore Orioles’ workout Wednesday: A Florida TV reporter asking if Cal Ripken’s shot at breaking the record for most consecutive games played is over because the season has been shortened, and then asking who holds the record.

Glad to see Rich Henkels found work.

The last word …

“If you want to go back to your stockholders and say, ‘We stood on a principle and we lost the Masters,’ I don’t think you’d be working very long. You (writers) stand out there and beat your liberal drums. You come here and switch seats with us. Don’t be a hypocrite.”

- Frank Chirkinian, CBS golf boss, on decision to accommodate the Masters, which demanded Gary McCord be removed from this year’s telecast for making off-color remarks last year