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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Sounds Like Somebody Could Use A Bodyguard

Compiled By Staff Writer Rick Bo

Loose talk

Nobel Prizewinning author Saul Bellow, on spending last December in a pneumonia-induced coma: “I was playing hopscotch with death and had some marvelous hallucinations that I hope to write about sometime.”

It isn’t quite so spellbinding as the Nancy Kerrigan-Tonya Harding leg-bashing brouhaha, but here goes:

A singer-songwriter named Kevin Ammons claims he was offered $6,000 by singer Whitney Houston’s father three years ago to shatter the kneecaps of Houston’s personal assistant, Robyn Crawford.

John Houston allegedly claimed Crawford was a lesbian who was trying to break up his daughter’s marriage to Bobby Brown. On “American Journal,” Ammons said the elder Houston told him: “I don’t want her murdered … That would devastate Whitney.”

Ammons is suing Whitney Houston’s former publicist, Regina Brown, for $10 million, saying she ruined his reputation after he turned down the hit. John Houston denies all.

Even at his advanced age, he’s still a maverick

James Garner turns 67 today.

Like succumbing to sheer paranoia, perhaps?

Anthony Quinn claims thugs plotted to harm his lover and their infant daughter, although he stops short of implicating his wife, Iolanda, whom he’s dumped following 30 years of marriage. “I cannot blame my wife for my actions,” said the 79-year-old Quinn. “I’m a man and a man does certain things.”

Can’t wait until he and Al D’Amato get together

Radio shock jock Howard Stern made new enemies among the Hispanic community with his tasteless treatment of Tejano music star Selena’s murder by her former fan club president. On Monday, the day of her funeral, Stern played a Selena song accompanied by gunshot sound effects and added: “Alvin and the Chipmunks have more soul.”

We suspect he’d like to give the guy a poke

And speaking of Nancy Kerrigan, former fiance Bill Chase is none too thrilled with her engagement to agent Jerry Solomon: “He’s hit the jackpot. He’s a middle-aged guy who just left his wife and got himself a nice young girl with a ton of dough. I’m sure he’s as happy as a pig in you-know-what.”

It appears warmth was not a major concern

You can’t keep a dead King down. Elvis Presley finished seventh among male celebrities in the annual Herpecin-L Cold Sore Lip Balm’s “Most Kissable” survey, while none other than Marilyn Monroe came in second behind Kim Basinger on the women’s list.

It’s a success, but Bubbles is still a bit sore

Finally, a few nice words about Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley: the celebrity odd couple have made good on their promise of last August to pay for a 5-year-old Hungarian boy’s liver transplant.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino