Microsoft Bob Could Make Bill Look Bad

Microsoft Bob is a bust.

This highly publicized effort to create a single multifunction program for novice home computer users is worse than a waste of time. It’s clunky to operate, makes excessive demands on hardware and pushes subscription services at rip-off prices.

Bob, just now reaching stores on either CD-ROM or floppy disks, is a cartoonlike interface that sits on top of Windows and provides eight sub-programs: a letter writer, calendar, checkbook, address book, electronic mail, financial guide, household manager and a children’s quiz game called “Geosafari.”

Microsoft is touting Bob for its supposedly pioneering “social interface.” Instead of the usual Windows screen full of pull-down menus and icons, you see a room filled with various common objects. Clicking on the objects launches a particular application; clicking a calendar on the wall, for example, starts the calendar program.

The most distinctive feature of the social interface in Bob is the constant stream of annoying advice and rah-rah encouragement offered by an on-screen “guide” in the lower right-hand corner of the screen. You pick a guide from among a cast of 12 animated cartoon characters, including a blue bunny rabbit named Hopper, a purple elephant named Hank and a green worm named Digger.

Each of these guides has a unique personality, displayed in speech balloons above its head. Rover the dog, for example, is particularly helpful, while Scuzz the rat seldom provides any advice.

The descriptions of these characters, like their comments, are so saccharine they could gag a 5-year-old. Here’s the biography of Orby, a blue-green Earthlike character: “Orby is the greatest globe you’ll ever meet. He’s worldly, lovable, carefree and whirling with energy. You can count on Orby to be your perfect planetary pal.”

Within minutes of first using “Bob,” these characters and their prattle become an obstacle to getting work done. Although they can be turned off, the programs within Bob are packed with popup windows that require answering numerous questions to accomplish even the most simple tasks.

Microsoft, in short, appears to have decided making computers silly is a substitute for making them genuinely easy to operate - a stunning blunder for a company that produces some of the best software in the business.

Bob also sacrifices functionality in the name of simplicity. The letterwriting program, for instance, lacks several key features found in the most elementary word processors. There is no search and replace, making it very difficult to find and fix mistakes, or any way of numbering printed pages. And the address book insists you fill out a standard form that can’t be modified.

Some of the other applications are stuffed with filler. The household manager and financial guide contain canned advice from freelance magazine writers and poorly designed interactive lists. A mileage table, for instance, prompts you to keep a record of the amount of gasoline you’ve purchased and the miles driven but doesn’t take the blatantly obvious step of automatically calculating miles per gallon.

Microsoft also appears intent on taking advantage of ignorant newcomers by grievously overcharging for the Bob e-mail service. Users pay $4.95 a month for the privilege of sending out only 15 messages; additional messages cost 15 to 30 cents each. Even the most casual e-mail users are likely to exceed the 15-message limit, so all Bob users would be better off paying about $10 a month for one of the major on-line services - America Online, CompuServe or Prodigy - that provide unlimited messaging.

Finally, Microsoft is trying to arm-twist home computer users into buying more hardware. Bob requires 8 megabytes of random-access memory and a 486 processor, although most home systems only have 4 megabytes, and the older 386 processor is still common. Pumping up a PC from 4 to 8 megabytes can cost $150 or more.

In a promotional piece aimed at retailers, Microsoft shamelessly declares: “Bob can help drive hardware sales. Take advantage of this opportunity to sell 4 MB upgrades at great margins. Encourage modem purchases so users can have fun with ‘Bob’ e-mail.”

I suggest we take advantage of this opportunity to tell Microsoft it won’t get away with the job of robbing ordinary slobs by fobbing off Bob.

Microsoft Bob, Mike Langberg’s review

1 star out of 4

Category: Home productivity

Developer: Microsoft Corp.; (800) 426-9400

Format: Windows

Street Price: $99