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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Here Is One Stern View That’s Not Hard To Judge

Compiled By Staff Writer Dan Web

Howard Stern has apologized for insulting fans of the murdered Tejano singer Selena. But that, apparently, isn’t enough for at least one Texas judge.

Eloy Cano, justice of the peace in Harlingen, Texas, has issued a warrant for the radio personality’s arrest. The charge: disorderly conduct for mocking the late Selena’s fans.

Shortly after the 23-year-old singer was shot on March 31 by a disgruntled employee, Stern played some of her music on his radio show. Sounds of gunfire crackled in the background. “Alvin and the Chipmunks have more soul,” Stern said. “Spanish people have the worst taste in music. They have no depth.”

Experts say that Cano’s warrant has little legal basis. He doesn’t care.

“I did it for all the Tejano fans,” he said.

Loose talk

Actress Delta Burke, announcing plans to market clothing in sizes 14 to 26 (in the New York Times): “I found that putting on weight gave my life wonderful things. People began to listen to me rather than look at me, to appreciate my work. That gave me a voice for myself, and I began to become a voice for others.”

We’d pay to hear him wish himself a happy birthday

Sir John Gielgud turns 91 today.

And many, of course, just have no taste in music

Speaking of Howard Stern (see lead item), his on-air cohort had a book signing in Manhattan on Tuesday that drew 3,000 fans. Said Robin Quivers of her autobiography, “Quivers: A Life,” “People should see that when you grow up unloved and unnurtured, you grow up to be very cold, very aloof and very difficult to deal with. This is happening in ghetto communities all over the United States.”

No, clearly they do it for a bit of good, racist fun

Our nominee for least-respectful question of the week goes to the reporter who asked Sen. Alphonse D’Amato, 57, if his overnight hospital stay on Tuesday was merely a play for sympathy. D’Amato, who complained of chest pains amid his repeated apologies for parodying O.J. Simpson judge Lance Ito for radio personality Don Imus, responded with anger. “No one goes through this for sympathy,” D’Amato said.

That would pay for 20 haircuts at Bob’s Barber Shop Speaking of the O.J. Simpson trial (see above item), we feel it our responsibility to report that lead prosecutor Marcia Clark had her hair done recently to the tune of $175. Hairstylist Allen Edwards did it.

No, no, we see Noriyuki ‘Pat’ Morita as Judge Ito

Speaking - again - of the O.J. Simpson trial, Pauly Shore has this to say about the many references to that proceeding in his new film “Jury Duty”: “I am very sad that two innocent people are dead, but (the trial) has become a sitcom. Every time you turn it on, it’s Judge Ito playing the role of Judge Ito and Kato playing the role of Kato. It’s not about these two people. It’s about what they’re wearing.”

This is a pairing worthy of a Quentin Tarantino movie

Here’s a notable melding of talents: Nicolas Cage (“Kiss of Death”), 31, and Patricia Arquette (“Ed Wood”), 26, got married last week.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster