When Celebs Fall In Love, It Will Be For Whenever

To paraphrase Mark Twain, love is wasted on the young. It’s hard to escape that conclusion when you read story after story of some young celebrity hopping from bed to bed, proclaiming love or getting tattooed with a lover-of-the-moment’s name.

Take Christian Slater, for example. Nina Huang wants to do exactly that - take him to court if not the cleaners.

Slater and Huang have been an on-and-off duo for much of the last five years. He even returned to her after a short-lived fling with supermodel Christy Turlington.

Now he’s dumped her again, having barred her from his Van Nuys, Calif., home.

And she’s suing, claiming he agreed to pay her half of what he made while they lived together. Slater claims to be unaware of the lawsuit.

Loose talk

Actor James Earl Jones, an ex-stutterer, on his famous voice (on “The Dick Cavett Show”): “It’s the most unfaithful lover I’ve ever had. It fails me often.”

We can’t wait: ‘Three’s Company, the Movie’

Joyce DeWitt turns 46 today.

An attorney sues a gossipeer: For whom do we root?

When attorney William Goldstein arranged a couple of deals that saved gossip columnist Liz Smith in tax monies, she was grateful. Now she’s irate that he wants to get paid. He’s suing to collect a $475,000 bill. “We didn’t even have a contract,” Smith said. “He’d never even sent a legal bill. He said he did it out of love.”

Unless, of course, a last-minute confession occurs

British actress Helen Mirren (“Prime Suspect”) told Elle magazine that O.J. Simpson’s guilt or innocence probably never will be fully known. “And not because of the slickness of these appalling lawyers,” she said. “No one saw him. No one’s found the knife. No one’s found one single piece of clothing belonging to him covered with blood. There’s not one really clear, direct thing that says this guy did it.”

No, but maybe somebody had hit him with a polo mallet

In the midst of a messy divorce, Darrien Iacocca describes her estranged, auto executive Lee Iacocca, as a distinctly unhappy man. “The only time I saw him happy was when his (Chrysler) stock was 60. We thought he was on Prozac.”

It must have been that cabbage she ate for lunch

It’s no secret that Shirley MacLaine and Debra Winger feuded on the set of “Terms of Endearment.” But in her new memoir “My Lucky Stars,” MacLaine writes that Winger once emitted a noisy biological function “in my face.”

You know, Judge Ito really is as cute as a cuddly puppy

The New York Times corrected its report of Sen. Alphone D’Amato’s tasteless impersonation of Judge Lance Ito: “In his conversation with the radio host Don Imus, (D’Amato) said: ‘I mean, this is a disgrace. Judge Ito will be well known.’ He did not say, ‘Judge Ito with the wet nose.”’

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster