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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Cheap Seats

Hell freezes over

There are worse spectator sports than soccer. Soccer at the North Pole comes to mind. Russian businessman Sergei Zyryanov flew eight amateur teams - which included journalists, Olympic champions, cosmonauts, a Siberian orphanage and Zyryanov’s friends - to the pole “to demonstrate to the world the willpower of Russians and promote the rebirth of national pride and self-respect.”

Hope that national pride kept them warm. Games were played on snow about 20 inches deep atop thick ice in temperatures dipping to minus-17 degrees.

Oh, yes, the winning team represented the Biryusa refrigerator plant.

Cool.

A couple of grand prix-madonnas

Just what you like to see - two guys at each other’s throats who routinely drive 120 mph and up. Well, the feud between Formula One drivers Gerhard Berger and Michael Schumacher escalated this week with Berger calling his rival a liar and a clown.

Schumacher, the reigning world champion, had criticized Berger for celebrating after being awarded first place, temporarily, in last month’s Brazilian Grand Prix. Schumacher finished first but was disqualified along with runner-up David Coulthard for fuel irregularities. Berger, who finished third, was moved up to first. However, on appeal last week, the world governing body reinstated the original placings.

“I cannot understand anyone celebrating a victory he achieved when he was one lap behind,” Schumacher said. “If Berger would show as much talent as a driver as he does in public relations, he would win more races.”

Berger responded by criticizing the way Schumacher celebrated at last year’s San Marino Grand Prix after Ayrton Senna had been killed in the race.

“He doesn’t understand our celebrations, I understand even less his behavior at Imola last year when he jumped up and down like a clown after Senna’s death.”

This is only a test

There’s always much ado over the Wunderlic Personnel Test administered to potential draftees by the NFL but you have to wonder why. After all, the only player to record a perfect score is Pat McInally.

“I always said if I was Debra Winger, the thing that would be on the top of my resume would be being the voice of ‘E.T.’ - forget about being an Academy Award winner,” said McInally, the former Bengals punter and receiver and a Harvard grad who claims he did the 50-question test in half the time allotted.

“I waited 6 minutes just to be cool about it, then sprinted through it,” he said. “I’m sure if I had thought about it, I would have missed lots of them. So that’s my tip: Go as fast as you can and do it instinctively.

“I always felt I was drafted in the fifth round instead of the first or second because I did too well on the tests.”