Disney Will Avoid Turning Abc Into A Mickey Mouse Network

All right, so you’re sitting around home punching your remote, wondering just what any of this Disney-ABC stuff has to do with you.

Is the mouse-ification of the leading network going to change our viewing habits?

With $19 billion changing hands, it’s a valid question, and after Monday’s announcement, rumors were running rampant. Let’s address a few of them now.

Rumor: ABC will be transformed into a Disney showcase in prime time. We will start seeing shows like “Operation Roseanne Drop,” “Goofy Under Fire,” “The Pocahontas Comedy Hour,” “Who’s the Mouse?” and the “Seinfeld” clone “Eisner.”

Prediction: It won’t happen. It’s not in the best interest of either Disney or ABC to paint prime time with a heavy Disney brush.

ABC already has four shows produced by Disney and its subsidiaries for this fall, and there could well be more a year from now. But to maximize profits, a show’s demographic fit is more important than who produces it, and Disney knows that.

Rumor: Disney will sanitize ABC’s prime-time slate by programming exclusively with wholesome, family-oriented fare, cleaning up or canceling “NYPD Blue” (say good-bye to nudity) and putting a muzzle on risque language everywhere else.

Prediction: Disney no longer is the squeaky-clean prude it once was. While it still does produce spotless family comedies for ABC such as “Home Improvement” and “Boy Meets World,” it also makes the bawdy “Unhappily Ever After.” And its film divisions make things such as “Pulp Fiction.”

So this company is no stranger to R-rated material. As long as “NYPD Blue” continues to make money, it will offend no one’s sensibilities at the House of Mouse.

Rumor: Disney-produced features and TV movies will pop up all over the ABC schedule, all the time.

Prediction: ABC already has an outlet for Disney film products with the Saturday night “ABC Family Movie” and wouldn’t profit one iota from spreading the movies across the prime-time landscape. In other words, it won’t happen.

Rumor: ABC will be less likely to cancel a poorly performing show produced by one of Disney’s subsidiaries, Buena Vista Television and Touchstone Television.

Prediction: It figures to be true, particularly for a show that needs to run another year or so before it can cash in on the lucrative rerun syndication market.

Rumor: ABC now will be obliged to promote the heck out of every new animated Disney feature film being released by broadcasting half-hour infomercials detailing every aspect of behind-the-scenes production.

Prediction: That certainly will happen. But then, it already is happening. “Aladdin,” “The Lion King” and “Pocahontas” were hyped with prime-time specials on the network.

Rumor: Every kids’ show on ABC each Saturday morning will be made by Disney.

Prediction: This could well turn out to be true. New ABC boss Michael D. Eisner said as much in his announcement on Monday. When you’re a kiddie entertainer like Disney, you’re not going to buy stuff from Warner Bros.

Rumor: Since Disney - through acquiring ABC also now owns 80 percent of cable sports network ESPN and its sister network ESPN2, we can expect to see one Mighty Ducks hockey game after another.

Prediction: Not a chance. For one thing, hockey gets poor ratings. For another, the Ducks don’t exactly burn up the rink. Financially, it would be suicidal.

Except for Euro Disney, this company isn’t in the business of losing money.

Rumor: Disney will market its cartoon characters and movie and sports holdings into the ground. We’ll see Simba and Pocahontas popping in to say hi in the broadcast booth on “Monday Night Football.” And at Disneyland and Disney World, we’ll start seeing people walking around the park sweltering inside Tim Allen and Ellen DeGeneres costumes.

Prediction: It’s not so far-fetched. Disney could peddle a brand of anti-perspirant and turn it into a million-seller.

It consistently has been the most pervasive and vociferous marketer on the planet without ABC, so we can only imagine what it can do to sell itself with 225 TV stations at its disposal.

Rumor: Disney somehow will figure out a way to charge us money for watching ABC, since it manages to extract cash from our wallets for virtually everything else in our entertainment lives.

Prediction: It would be difficult for even Disney to pull off that trick. But look for it to try.

Rumor: ABC’s news division will be redirected and curtailed radically under Disney because the Disney folks are entertainment people, not news people.

Prediction: The fear is likely unjustified. While it’s true that Disney is a place that prizes showmanship, it also is the same company that overhauled Disneyowned station KCAL’s news division at a $30 million price tag and turned all of prime time into a news block. So, never underestimate Disney’s commitment to news.

Rumor: “Tonight, on ‘Nightline,’ we go behind the scenes of the Main Street Electrical Parade at Disneyland.”

Prediction: Ted Koppel would die first.

Rumor: Mouse ears for Sam Donaldson and Diane Sawyer on “PrimeTime Live.”

Prediction: Only in Michael Eisner’s dreams.