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Abstinence makes the spear go farther

On the eve of the World Track and Field Championships, Trine Hattestad pulled out of the women’s javelin because of her advanced pregnancy. Now five months along, the defending champion from Norway had hoped her performance would not be affected.

“My belly is just too big now,” she admitted.

After the birth of her second child in December, Hattestad said she would focus on the 1996 Olympics.

We’ve got one training tip for you, Trine …

Didn’t this guy peddle Ultra Slim Fast?

Count Tommy Lasorda among those who think baseball’s new speed-up rules are silly, but he’s willing to do his part. Arguing with umpires, for instance.

“I’m going to sprint out there from now on,” said the Dodgers manager. “Sprint out and sprint back. I’m going to look at the umpire and say, ‘I’ve got 12 seconds to tell you what I think about you.’

“The rules are crazy. I’ve never gotten one piece of mail in five or six years complaining about the length of the game. The only people complaining about the length of the game are the sportswriters.”

Oh, that’s not all the writers are complaining about. In a scathing attack, Denver Post columnist Mark Kiszla did his bit for the pennant race by calling Lasorda “one of the nastiest, foulest little men ever to run a ballclub” and wrote that “If the Dodgers take this division, it will be in spite of Lasorda.”

Lasorda’s response: “I’ve been managing this club 19 years. He is a disgrace to being a newspaperman. You can tell him I said so. He doesn’t even know me.”

Hmm. It certainly sounds as if he knows you, Tommy.

And five of those losses were to speed bags

Never say that even boxing doesn’t occasionally try to clean up its act. Philadelphia boxing commissioner George Bochetto has disallowed a proposed mismatch in which undefeated Chicago heavyweight Vaughn Bean (22-0, 16 knockouts) would have fattened his record against Danny Wofford (15-41-2), who has lost 14 consecutive fights - most recently a second-round knockout by Peter McNeeley.

Do unto a tomato can what Mike Tyson will do unto you, eh, Pete?

Symptoms: chili dips, shanked tee shots

Mike Ditka has undergone surgery to repair the artificial right hip he received in 1984 - his third hip operation. The former Chicago Bears coach had his left hip replaced in 1992, and Dr. Mitchell Sheinkop determined then that Ditka would need further surgery on his right hip.

“The coach told me then that he’d wait to have the surgery until it affected his golf game,” Sheinkop said. “We scheduled surgery now because medication can no longer control his pain, and his golf handicap increased from one to eight.”

Oh, wow. So it was life-threatening surgery.

The last word …

“The New York Yankees are playing great. The people on that team are very optimistic. In fact, Darryl Strawberry is already planning not to report his World Series income.”

- David Letterman

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo