Three theories exist to explain the lousy turnout Sunday for the American Dream Calendar Girl bikini competition at Spokane Raceway Park: Threatening weather. Poor advertising. And modesty. Let’s discuss and abandon the last theory first. Trina Helean, the only woman to register, without coercion, for the contest, said of the no-shows: “They figure it’s too exploiting, so they’re not doing it.” Right, and I’m the sugar-plum fairy. Spokane is no more modest today than in past years when it had contributed five pinups and 10 nearly bare bosoms to the American Dream Girl calendars. Inclement weather probably did chase cheesecake prospects under cover. Who wants to parade their goose pimples under overcast skies - even for an outside chance at winning a trip to the Bahamas? Helean and two other competitors earned a booby prize for freezing themselves before the ogling masses: two laps around the track in a yellow convertible. Plus the sinking feeling that they had underdressed for the American Hot Rod Association World Finals - if that’s possible.
Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander
Apparently, Latin lovers (read, men in general) enjoy ogling women like fair Trina Helean. But they don’t like getting ogled. Italian men are raising a ruckus now that the paparazzi have turned the cameras on them, sans clothes. A politician appeared in the “serious media” naked and drying himself with a towel aboard a yacht. An actor was uncovered urinating behind a bush. And a TV talk show host was photographed changing into a bathing suit. Said he: “I want to see all paparazzi in the cemetery.” Tsk. Tsk. Now, the red-hot Latinos know how the other half lives.
Commissioners could use fresh air, too
A little fresh air has worked wonders for forger Aaron Wells, 22. He says he prefers hard work on the weed patrol outside the Whitman County Jail in Colfax, Wash., to the monotony of watching television, reading books and playing cards. And ACLUers should be pleased that Wells and other inmates are allowed to work unfettered, earning time off the community-service portion of their sentences and $5-per-hour credit toward court costs or fines. Said Wells: “We’re not violent. We’re just kind of low on common sense.” Maybe he has learned something. Spokane County commissioners, who want to revive shackled chain gangs, could learn something from the Whitman County program, too. (Do you suppose Hasson, Harris & Co. would make less a nuisance of themselves if they were put to work hacking weeds?)
, DataTimes MEMO: “Bagpipes” will return Thursday. “Hot Potatoes” is a regular feature of the Tuesday and Thursday Opinion pages in the Idaho edition of The Spokesman-Review.