They Won’t Be ‘Live’ For Long If He Keeps That Up

You can count the truly immortal show biz pairings on one hand: Abbott and Costello. Burns and Allen. Lewis and Martin. Regis and Kathy Lee.

In his new book, “I’m Only One Man,” Regis Philbin says some of the quirkiest moments in his 33-year career have involved encounters with TV cohort Kathy Lee Gifford’s family.

One time, the two talk-show hosts were sharing a mobile home as a dressing room while on tour. Kathy Lee was in the shower when her husband, former football great Frank Gifford, called for her.

When he told Gifford she was indisposed, there was a “long, long, scary pause,” Philbin recalls in TV Guide.

“I yell through the door, ‘Darling! Your husband’s on the line!”’ he said. “At least he can’t punch me through the phone.”

Loose talk

Patrick Swayze, on his role as a drag queen in “To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar” (in Out magazine): “I called my wife every day for support, and told her that I had no idea it was like this to be a woman.”

Which makes it a lot easier for Regis to remember

Frank Gifford turns 65 and Kathy Lee Gifford turns 42 today.

Doesn’t she already have enough of his urnings?

In the middle of a Monday court hearing, former Playboy centerfold Anna Nicole Smith gave up and agreed to have her late multimillionaire husband, J. Howard Marshall, cremated and to split the ashes with his children. Still to be determined: whether she gets half the money the oil baron made during their 14-month marriage.

Which would be one way to liquidate the estate

Smith’s original funeral plans, according to a Houston mortuary worker (in People magazine): “She wanted to take the coffin out to her ranch and set him up on the patio deck. I had to talk her out of it - I could just see him sliding into the swimming pool.”

She couldn’t live with someone that two-faced

“Batman Forever” co-star Tommy Lee Jones’ second wife has filed for divorce, claiming their 14-year marriage “has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities.”

At least he’s not tiptoeing around the issue

After two failed attempts at matrimony (Miss Vicki and Miss Jan), Tiny Tim is tying the knot again on Friday. Says the 60-something Tim: “Marriage has always been sacred to me. I hope this one works.”

So their love was not only blind, but deaf

Alan Thicke (“Hope & Gloria”) told TV critics it was a bit unsettling to have tabloid reporters hovering in helicopters over his wedding last year: “Really, we couldn’t hear the ceremony. I don’t know if it invalidates any of my vows - I’m looking into that legally.”

Sorry, Patrick - queens are born, not made up

And since you’ve been good enough to read this far, here’s a birthday bonus: Julie Newmar turns 60 today.

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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino