Ohio’s Dibs On Tribe’s Relics Cost ‘Em Roses

Remind me not to tick off the Nez Perce tribe. The Ohio Historical Society did. And now Northwestern’s going to the Rose Bowl.

Let me explain. As you recall, the historical society recently demanded the return of artifacts on display for 16 years at the Nez Perce museum near Lapwai. That upset tribal members. But there was nothing they could do - except pull for underdog Michigan in its recent big game with Ohio State. Ohio State needed a win to go to the Rose Bowl. Of course, the Buckeyes lost. Joked tribal elder Rick Ellenwood afterward: “I must have a lot of spiritual power, a lot of medicine.” Too bad Wazzu didn’t sign Rick up before the last Apple Cup.

Betting Men: The lieutenant colonels in Kootenai County’s legal department had a 10-mile run riding on Saturday’s Army-Navy game. Prosecutor Bill Douglas, a reservist, took Army; new Public Defender Ron Coulter, a leatherneck, Navy. And Ron took a hike - to Higgens Point and back. Of course, in issuing the challenge, Bill probably didn’t mention to Ron that the S-R sports staff told him Army was favored by 3 points (the dogfaces won by 1.) But, hey, all’s fair in love and war. And this is football!

Thanksgiving Delicacy? In this month’s issue of The Gonzagan (Gonzaga Prep’s newspaper), student Cole Cosgrove listed 10 reasons why “not to eat the turkey on your table.” Including No. 2: “It doesn’t really look like turkey, and has a Post Falls dog track collar.” Ba-dum-bum. Onward. … Dee Boeck’s husband finally learned about her lost-and-found rings. Boeck? She’s the Sandpoint High secretary who lost three rings before a jog last summer and then agonized for months about telling her husband. In fact, she didn’t tell him - even after they were found. He read all about it in the student newspaper, The Cedar Post. Said he afterward: “I didn’t notice they were missing.” Now, of course, he’s the one with the problem.

Vegas Odds? The ATM machine in front of North Idaho College’s SUB offers better odds than the Idaho lottery. The Sentinel reports that the First Security machine spits out an occasional $50 in place of a $20. Now, there’s a reason to switch banks. … Then, there’s the kid driving around campus in a spiffy Z28 who knows which side of his bread is buttered. Reads his vanity plate: “IOU DAD.” More than you know, sonny. … Did you know that the word “politics” is formed from the words “poly” (meaning “many”) and ticks (which, of course, are “bloodsuckers”)? I read it somewhere. … Now that Coldwater Creek has evicted Sandpoint’s community Christmas tree, an office wag suggests the company change its name to “Coldhearted Creek.” Bah! Humbug!

Huckleberries: Seems quality is Job One at Rockwear, a Priest Lake clothing company. A recent mail-order purchase arrived with this note: “Your order was inspected by Inspector No. 104. Be assured that if it is wrong, that inspector will be terminated.” By Arnold Schwarzenegger? … How’d this one slip past the Thought Police? A local car dealer recently ran a politically incorrect line in a help-wanted ad for sales people: “Strong moral character and Christian-type ethics a must.” You can’t advertise things like that any more. It discriminates against thieves, bums and addicts. … The Show-No News-Press published a list of new books at the Wallace library, including “Every Knee Shall Bow” by the S-R’s own Jim Walter. Jim’s first name actually is Jess. But he doesn’t mind. On his national book tour, Jess was called Jeff Walker several times.

Parting Shot: But who am I to criticize the News-Press? Last week, I killed Lady Bird Johnson in an editorial. Said she was twirling in her grave when she’s ailing but alive. Commented subscriber Florence Blackbird: “I know a lot of Democrats were killed last year, but she wasn’t one of them.” Responded another: “Hey, leave Lady Bird alone. But could you do something about the first lady we have now?”

, DataTimes MEMO: Gotta Huckleberry? Call the Huckleberry Hound Hotline, (800) 344-6718 or (208) 765-7125.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = D.F. Oliveria The Spokesman-Review